Prince of Void
replying on Returning by Dovina
10 May 2005, 9:33 PM
may i have returned for thounsands time
may i have knocked the door of ageless heaven for thounsands
may i have kissed the princess in the dark gothic castle
may i have reached enlightenment for once i have heared the name
may i have known you
may i have been in othersied and opened the secert of creation
all these" mays " will be expreinced soon
and return to this time that i cant be sure of those "mays"
finaly when will i return to myself ...myself i mean the love
this is my ultimate returnig ..returning to the love
yeah it's really good to read ur poem ..
the nice impact of senses into the spirit of colors
it made the crimson ocean into the crimson iris of an artist
this is a poem seized colors in the frames of words
There are way too many intagible elements in here. I want something concrete, something that exists literally, to grab onto. More of the sweat and blood stuff, throughout.
Is this a poem??
I'm sure the person you wrote it to understood it that way.
I don't think of my life in the comfortable times between being awake.
this story really drew me in, though like youve said there are parts that could use revision. i understand though, sometimes its more important just to get it all down than to perfect each phrase.
agreed
...me and my big mouth...
it's about reflecting in a car during a storm about a relationship. the rain falling on the windshield distorting whats outside parallels feeling confused about the relationship but as the wipers clear the rain there is a moment where things make sense. the poem ends with the realization that though times are hard the end result will be worth it. the title comes from the saying "april showers bring may flowers". the knowledge that after the storms of the relationship something beutiful can emerge.
I have no improvements in mind, it's just that I have learned that when you use a word or a conception, a notion more than once, it's better to look for synonyms. Now here the repetition of 'otherland' is functional, don't change those lines, but in your other poem the many 'darknesses' irred me. An alternative? Hm, er, well, er, 'Blackness'? 'Nothingness'? 'That place where they shot the moon and the stars out of the sky'?...
Is it about some May flowers visible in the neon lights at night, and worth the drive?
This is very funny. It may not sell many cards, but it's good.
I don't see how the weatherman forces you to trust. It's all about probabilities. Also, Doppler is a short-time-range tool and does little to predict "rain all week."
"gladdened cancer tales" is good.
Overwritten for what it says.
Why introduce the King James English?
The last line is good.
Either everyone is misinterpreting this or I am. We have here, as I see it, a political statement in favor of truck drivers with some poetry added, and pretty good poetry to boot. I think you could lose the last two lines.
Funny, mocking the séance, but not to some.
I once struck down upon my vagina with the furry of cotex, staunching the vile bile that creepeth forth.
thank god my clitoris was wearing a helmet.
It was sad for Bob when his pet, Baby Dumpling, was dying of congestive heart disease. As I watched them together near the end, it seemed that it was not sad for Baby Dumpling. The dog seemed happy for an extra measure of attention.