Re: a comment on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/11:13 PM
Then again, what else would one expect of you, dear Tilde?
Re: The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/11:12 PM
'Despite November in my heart/and December at my breast'-- nice. I admit I was going to simply congratulate ou on using November as opposed to another month, but the addition of December actually works.
Re: Marriage by Dovina	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/11:10 PM
Marriage is masculine? Gasp! (wait, well, I suppose it is in French...) Now, does this apply to homosexual marriages? Where the idea is that managing to get married is writing a wrong rather than performing one?
Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/11:03 PM
There's something about 'the sun the other as/rooster crowing' that doesn't quite work. I couldn't pinpoint the proble, but it's there. A comma after 'sun' would simplify it, but perhaps too much.
Re: A Dark Account of History by D. $ Fontera	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/10:58 PM
ShamAn. Please. Hmm. Aside from that, 'tis all right.
Re: Air Guitar by Miggy	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/10:49 PM
Tee hee.
Re: Forgiveness by flightoffancy	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/10:45 PM
The first line is good. The rest... bwuh.
Re: River Valley Rose by TLRufener	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/10:43 PM
Hmm. I actually rather like this. The bit about hte grandfather seems almost irrelevant, it would be fine without (arguably). Not all of the punctuation is necessary.
Re: a skinny man on the dock by ay deee	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/10:26 PM
'Shaolin ninja on pole'... You've gone and impaled yourself, haven't you?
Re: Loving An Angel by Brego	Tintagiles 142.166.239.85	19-Oct-05/10:20 PM
I was going to rant about the angel, except you kept it as a leitmotiv. That's something.
Re: a comment on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	<~> 167.206.181.179	19-Oct-05/10:40 AM
november is cold, but decmber is colder still, is what i was going for. there are also the holidays to consider, although that analogy is very abstruse. and yes, i am lathing into firewood. i wonder if my love is wasted on him. thank you for the compliment.
Re: The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/10:32 AM
I love "turn wooden on the lathe of fact", the best image on poemranker in months and the lynchpin, I think, of this poem. In the original you turned wooden, right? I think that would be better. The rest loses me. I don't know what distinction you're making between November and December (or heart and breast), and can't feel the metaphor of ghosts (which are essentially metaphors, no?) And are you lathing things into firewood? How odd.
Re: a comment on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/9:21 AM
At that point it rhymed. Maybe. You're right, I'm only talking about actual tongues dancing around inside of mouths. Feel free to use it, but there's the possibility I'm using it from someone else, I'm not sure. If I am, it's Don Delillo in The Names. The last part is supposed to be another reason for falling into religion. It's not worded right and I don't know yet how to fix it. Suggestions?
Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/9:16 AM
My cents: I think there are three characters here, (1) INTRANSIT, (2) his love, and (3) children or other products of love, such as puppies or a fixer-upper bungalow.
Re: a comment on Marriage by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/9:14 AM
As a married, and several-times almost-married, I honestly believe you'll eat those words. Best-case scenario, you stand to not recognize yourself in all this posturing when you do in fact find him.
Re: a comment on Marriage by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/9:11 AM
If it were me, I'd lay aside the legal, the dogma, the financial hopes, and the idea of marriage as anything more than romantic notions plus nifty benefits like tax breaks. I would forgive, but I wouldn't overlook wrong. I'd realize there's a point where my marriage couldn't survive if I didn't occasionally raise my desires over hers. I wouldn't call anyone else's marriage fleeting and doomed, for fear of being immediately stricken with a bright bolt of ironic comeuppance. Oh, right. It IS me. And all that aside, I'll stick with my original proposal: The only necessity for a nonfleeting nondoomed marriage is that both parties understand and agree to their respective roles. Agree to be servant and self-negator, I'm sure you'll find plenty of guys who'll agree to be masters and self-centered.
Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT	<~> 167.206.181.179	19-Oct-05/8:03 AM
we shall see. he's been known to wax philosophical on occasion.
Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT	Dovina 209.247.222.97	19-Oct-05/8:00 AM
I hardly think INTRANSIT is that much into wholistic philosophy here, but let's see how he answers.
Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT	<~> 167.206.181.179	19-Oct-05/7:57 AM
the chips, when split off from the whole, become new entites, as i read it. they're holographic; each piece contains the whole, a new whole, when separated from the mass consciousness.
Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT	Dovina 209.247.222.97	19-Oct-05/7:53 AM
And if the butcher block is an awakened thing, how can its chips awaken as if something twice awakened?