Dovina
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
30 Nov 2005, 11:36 AM
I'm not offended by having the poem called blasphemous. I figured that would come up. If you say I am off-doctrine, I am not offended by that either. What was your point again?
I looked at that and it's interesting. I don't have the time to look up where I saw that. Bias could be argued on either side, and it would take a lot of time to sort it out.
Yes, and you still wonder.
A bum dies (head tilted) in either a refrgerator or cardboard box filled with polystyrene packing. I thought it was in the alley next to a Versace store seeing that the odds of so many people walking past a dead bum while wearing Versace are quite slim odds.
The copper is pennies. The Lab goes blue(sad). Neon reepers(ambulance). Muzzling(sirens) his grief.
Medal from King George(quarter).
The pauper box is planed.(His casket's ready)
Lets just bury him
he's shrapnel for our conscience
and I'm late for my meeting.(Forget about him. It'll only bring us down. I've got better things to do.
How'd I do?
The only thing I would change is that I would space the lines and the words even farther apart.
It seems like every stanza is missing a line.
I mean your poems. I'm sure your a very nice boy.
Now see, if you could do this in your poems then people might actually like you.
"When two things are placed together in a sentence, and the two seem unrelated, I have to wonder why the writer put them together."
Isn't that sometimes called poetry?
I shit you not. Ver-fuckin'-batim.
See there truly is something flamboyantly offensive about the word.
Most scholars think John didn't even write John. Many think none of the three wrote the gospels. Show me a non-religious scholar who says they were written before 70 A.D.
I could argue why your argument is totally religously bias but I think this guy does a better job.
http://www.geocities.com/questioningpage
I'm guessing they couldn't find anyone to translate it into the King James version.
And that's not the only quality we share with black guys.
I think it’s probably just a compensation thing. Like how blind people’s senses become more highly tuned. I'm not sure why rhythm would be such an important mechanism for dyslexics but it seems to be that way.
Is that line a quote or one of your inventions? Should be a quote.
Thanks
the vagrant was dressed in the shadows of the people wearing versace and wasn't actually wearing versace.
My grammar needs spanking.
You're missing apostrophes throughout. "vagrant's" for one, and "let's". I'm stuck on him wearing Versace. Maybe make it clear he's wearing handmedowns? Clearer than "shadows", I mean. In all, one of your better.
Why all the linebreaks? "I couldn't believe my sight" isn't a real expression, or particularly grammatical.
"spleen and spry" is good, but you know for all intents and purposes they're opposites, right?
I can't get past "we can all remember the past". There are about a million reasons why that's just not right. For example:
1. No, many people can't.
2. What you think you remember isn't really the past.
The rest of this is good at what it's trying to do.