Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.150.39	10-Dec-05/3:09 PM
I'm sure it's a pleasant feeling to divorce yourself from all responsibility. It's also the last thing this world needs. Condemnation. Punishment. Lowliness. Until you've grown up, that should be your motto. What possible good will come from shamelessly patting yourself on the back?
Re: The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.150.39	10-Dec-05/2:51 PM
This poeme really touched my heart. It made me realise that if you pray, and put your faith in God, He will look after you no matter what happens. All those people who cross the road and end up being majorly spazzed up by a truck (as opposed to being mildly befuddled by a bike) have only themselves to blame. If they'd actually bothered to go to church regularly they would never have ended up so hideously deformed. Excellent work -10-
Re: a comment on The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	10-Dec-05/12:05 PM
Thanks zodiac......... Sorry for the defence (it seems to look that way). As for me, I'm game to criticism, whether its poetry or real life. i'm a sport, so feel free to comment. No offence! As for the poetic licence and the stuff, i was merely thinking aloud, not that my poem fitted into it, or that it was in the passive tense and so on. i was merely trying to figure out what my poem was or where it fits in. It was written a long time ago, in just one night, rather within half an hour, that i never bothered to edit it in any way out of sheer happiness at having written it. Now that i've got onto poemranker, i've decided to have a go at writing once again. I value your reviews and know that there would definitely be a lot of improvement in my work. Happy Reviewing!......... amanda
Re: The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 69.175.32.104	10-Dec-05/10:41 AM
Dear Amanda, I appreciate the faith of people like you who see an an accident like a spill from a bike and ask only, "what the plan Of God was, through my accident." Then, after reviewing Jusus' suffering, conclude, "This makes me see His love for me." I wish you had left it at that and not included the admonitions in the last three verses. Those of us less gifted in faith, we of little faith, may wish for the contentment of knowing "The Holy Spirit spoke so well" but are stuck in a cycle of wonder at the apparent laxness of God in some situations compared to His apparent goodness in others.
Re: Emma Barksdale by rahson_s	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	10-Dec-05/5:36 AM
Lose "eyes wide shut" or you might as well say she was "gone with the wind". I almost feel this would be better in paragraph form presented as a prose poem.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	10-Dec-05/5:25 AM
That's your idea of porn? Daaamn! Good writing though.
Re: Observer by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	10-Dec-05/5:01 AM
Back in good form D.
Re: a comment on The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 69.132.67.140	10-Dec-05/4:42 AM
You're welcome. I hope you're not bothered or insulted or anything. There is such a thing as poetic license, and it basically means 'seeing how much you can get away with, asking your reader to go along with something unnatural or untrue.' For example, I once wrote a poem where a duck slit its own wrists. Another time, I wrote a poem where a white man's mother was black. The part of your 5 loaves poem where you said the people were dying of hunger takes poetic license, since it's not true to the real Bible story. Sometimes people go along with poetic license, sometimes they object. Poetic license doesn't mean that they have to accept it. Passive tense means saying "The chair was built by me", "The game was won by Lahore", etc. You don't do that in your poem. I would never ask you to change your poetic style. But surely if you could improve it with just a little work, you would, right? I think you can. I don't mean to be trashing your style, yourself, or anything else. I'm writing such long nitpicky reviews because I see that (unlike a lot of poemranker users) you have talent and you listen to suggestions. That means your already better than 99% of the people out there. Anyway, please don't feel bad. -zodiac
Re: a comment on The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	10-Dec-05/2:31 AM
zodiac, thank you very much for your review and insight into my poem, though i might add thats its a wonder anyone could take enough time to read it and comment on it, specifically. It's really an honour. Thank you. If i might ask, isn't there such a thing as poetic license, or writing in the passive tense and things like that. I feel and have always felt, that every poet has his own style of phrasing his words within which he fits in best. I'm not saying that i disagree with you on your views regarding my poems, but strongly feel that maybe i'm merely trying to fit in with my poetic style, this being the style which flows freely at the moment. Nevertheless, I am going to take the time to ponder on your review, and perhaps you might find some "improvement", in my style of presentation. See you around.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Dec-05/7:33 PM
she sliced off his penis fried it in grease served it for breakfast said, have a piece Excited yet?
Re: a comment on Count All the Stars by TLRufener	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Dec-05/6:40 PM
"In deference to Dovina's sensibilities": Staggering about laughing whilst punching keys and sipping wine is not conducive to . . . trying to bite, trying, ok, done.
Re: Observer by Dovina	some deleted user 204.97.18.121	9-Dec-05/5:41 PM
I love the rhythm to this poem. It was a pleasant read--nice work.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	9-Dec-05/5:04 PM
A XXX version would definitely get my attention.
Re: a comment on The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	9-Dec-05/4:50 PM
That was a good one. I think I was thinking more about rhyming story poems. There are a few great ones but I find it's no small task to write one that's any good.
Re: a comment on Emma Barksdale by rahson_s	zodiac 69.132.67.140	9-Dec-05/1:55 PM
Okay, it works now.
Re: a comment on Emma Barksdale by rahson_s	rahson_s 65.217.153.100	9-Dec-05/1:48 PM
i dunno.. it should be working.. www.utopiawright.com i believe i spelled it right.. try again and let me know.. Thanks for taking the time.. until then Ro-
Re: Emma Barksdale by rahson_s	zodiac 69.132.67.140	9-Dec-05/1:40 PM
I can't make the utopiawright link work. What's everyone talking about? I want to see!
Re: a comment on Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	cyan9 84.12.149.195	9-Dec-05/1:15 PM
I can see your point, the change of focus is causing quite some disturbance for people, and for me when you reflect it. The way I wrote it was just as a stream of thought with usually the next point of focus beginning where the previous one ended, it appears it has not payed off. The pleasant scene by the way is supposed to illustrate an attachment to material pleasures. I am planning a re-write, and I will try to stick to the metallurgy and stormy imagery and focus next time.
Re: a comment on Rub You Out by TLRufener	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Dec-05/12:26 PM
or "gouging out my eyes"
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Dec-05/12:15 PM
I see that it would sound more somber and mysterious in past tense. I just might do that.