Re: a comment on Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.104	27-Jan-06/11:58 AM
Yes, I think this line need san (needs an) edit: "watched her guilt rape seeded skin"
Re: Our Marriage by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 69.175.32.104	27-Jan-06/11:51 AM
The meter is not so steady in this that you need devices like "ne'er" to maintain it. And why "learnt" not learned? The cross/toss rhyme seems unnecessary where rhyming is not the pattern. Likewise "'morrow." These poeticizing attempts only detract from you free style which has its own kind of poetry.
Re: a comment on A Book's Plight by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	27-Jan-06/11:31 AM
And should I share the beauties of the treasures of light and love with you. you know "God loves you" and the stuff.
Re: a comment on A Book's Plight by amanda_dcosta	ecargo 167.219.88.140	27-Jan-06/11:11 AM
Anyway, I bet you read the Bible, so you're already reading poetry, right? "I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places . . ."
Re: a comment on My testament to free speech by Glasseyez	Dovina 69.175.32.104	27-Jan-06/11:08 AM
Well, okay, you did it so well I thought it was you.
Re: a comment on Round 27 by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	27-Jan-06/11:01 AM
It needs something to bookend too. I was playing with words on this one, not trying to be deep or meaningful, frivolous really, and the bad thing - erodite. 4,4 - (sometime I'll let you in on a secret)
Re: a comment on A Book's Plight by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	27-Jan-06/10:48 AM
ecargo, thanks a ton for your interest and review. Frankly, I'm not used to this. It'll take me a while to be really good , the faster the better. I have it in me, but somehow, when its worded on paper, it doesn't always flow out so eloquently and imaginatively as I want it to be. Never did prose or poetry as higher studies, have just taken more interest recently. However, you will definitely see more progress as I write my consequetive pieces...........hopefully. ha ha. As for reading poetry, love to.... but time is something that gets out of hand. "the heart is willing but excuses creep to grasp the moment of dreams yet to meet." ( This is mine....just made up.....copyright and patented, if only)
Re: After Fighting (More Blood Edit) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Jan-06/9:29 AM
You chose to use "dog" for atheism, am I right? Has he stopped fighting yet? I'd change lopped to lobbed. There's nothing wrong with being atheist as long as you're not afraid of death.
Re: a comment on My testament to free speech by Glasseyez	Glasseyez 204.49.132.31	27-Jan-06/9:12 AM
I meant on a whole, from the point of view of a modern day American. I know there is more out there.
Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus	Caducus 80.168.173.207	27-Jan-06/7:46 AM
whatever i do i still think this need san edit
Re: Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	cpill 220.233.189.84	27-Jan-06/7:22 AM
wow. Thats awesome!
Re: Round 27 by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Jan-06/5:14 AM
You should make this into something more. It needs bookends.
Re: a comment on Round 27 by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Jan-06/5:12 AM
Well I was going to give you two 4s but I still haven't figured out how that trick is done.
Re: a comment on Round 27 by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Jan-06/5:09 AM
Eight is enough.
Re: a comment on Round 27 by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Jan-06/5:09 AM
Well how nave of me.
Re: After Fighting (More Blood Edit) by zodiac	<~> 69.182.119.197	27-Jan-06/12:14 AM
hmmm. it had a lot more power as a prose poem, zodiac. not that it's not good like this...just that there was an urgency in the paragraph that's missing here.
Re: a comment on Unfortunate Lover by elderking	zodiac 209.193.9.194	26-Jan-06/11:58 PM
Don't Stand So Close To Me (The Police) Young teacher, the subject Of schoolgirl fantasy She wants him so badly Knows what she wants to be Inside her there's longing This girl's an open page Book marking she's so close now This girl is half his age Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me Her friends are so jealous You know how bad girls get Sometimes it's not so easy To be the teacher's pet Temptation, frustration So bad it makes him cry Wet bus stop, she's waiting His car is warm and dry Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me Loose talk in the classroom To hurt they try and try Strong words in the staffroom The accusations fly It's no use, he sees her He starts to shake and cough Just like the old man in That book by Nabokov Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me...
Re: a comment on Unfortunate Lover by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.111	26-Jan-06/10:47 PM
I thank you for your suggestions and comments. As for my younger self...no, she didn't have a clue :>)!
Re: a comment on Unfortunate Lover by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.111	26-Jan-06/10:26 PM
I'm feeling dense...I'm sorry I don't get what you mean.
Re: a comment on Unfortunate Lover by elderking	elderking 209.79.199.111	26-Jan-06/10:24 PM
Thank you, Dovina...I wrote this piece just before I ventured back out into the "dating" world again after a good decade's abscence. And who I percieved myself to be at 40 compared to myself at 50 seemed to be 2 entirely different animals.