Re: a comment on War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/10:02 AM
Well, you made me envision something worthwhile with that -mother of a soldier- sentence. Add a little substance, character, and its internal thought process, and you'd probably make an Iraq poem worth reading. Kumar here spewed an vision of confusion, and conveyed a sense of wild verbal 'n grammarical masturbation. Red Biro can't save him, neither can Jesus. He must be Lazurus, let himself die and be ressurected... All through his own pensaber, and what little force he does posses.
Re: a comment on The Ocean by Fayt	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:59 AM
Yes, it works better now.
Re: a comment on The Ocean by Fayt	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/9:57 AM
The change i made may make you like it better; let me know.
Re: a comment on War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:57 AM
I expect to see that feature on a car numberplate in the near future.
Re: a comment on The Ocean by Fayt	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/9:56 AM
i changed it up a bit and didnt realise that i added a extra syllable, i fixed it up.
Re: War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	zodiac 206.174.124.170	7-Mar-06/9:55 AM
Inta 3raqi? 3rab?
Re: a comment on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/9:47 AM
Yeah, I've edited this one alot. To be truthful, I used "'n" simply to avoid using "and" too much... one of those ticks of mine, but maybe it's better off sticking to "and" since the whole things formal, & "'n" is somewhat.. "hippie". Thanks for reading it twice, and the vote. I'll rethink the 'n bits and probly mod my own copy- reposted this piece a tad too many, me thinks.
Re: Seawards by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:42 AM
I'm not sure what's changed...ergo I re-grace you with a nine.
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:38 AM
Chunky...well I honestly am going to have to come back to this later (I've already read it twice and still missed a load of what's in there). It reads quickly like it ought to be angry prose. Personally I'd prefer to see you not use "'n", mainly because it gets awkward to spit out fast - "reason 'n..." has to become "reasonun", which sounds awful. As I said, I'll return and (maybe) have something useful to say, until then have a seven as a mark of the fact that I was actually interested enough to read this twice.
Re: a comment on War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:30 AM
I assumed he meant for 'burns' to be the noun there, in which case the grammar needs correcting - you've already started the correction, but the whole poem needs going over with a red biro. I was kind of considering writing a poem in this manner, asking the reader to envisage that they are the mother of a soldier who was shot dead by someone he'd travelled thousands of miles genuinely hoing to help. But quite honestly, I can't even envisage it myself. Oh well.
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	zodiac 206.174.124.170	7-Mar-06/9:26 AM
Why is it necessary to understand God in all his bum-swelling fullness to believe in Him - or even "get it" for all intents and purposes? According to Augustine, none of us understand the concept of infinite time and space, but that doesn't stop us from setting out microwave timers to make Hot Pockets just right.
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	zodiac 206.174.124.170	7-Mar-06/9:23 AM
I sincerely didn't know we were agreeing. Would I had still said it if I'd known? I'd like to think so. But then, I also think that situation won't ever actually arise.
Re: The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/9:18 AM
You should cut down on the use of "I" to a bare minimum. It creates a kind of drone within a poem, when used too much. Also, the way you describe this loser is cliche: trekkie, living with mom & pop, needs to get laid... Try to be a little more creative. Overall, I give it a six.
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/9:06 AM
Oh! The nostalgia. Written well, but doesn't really tickle my fancy man... sorry. Anyways, here's a seven.
Re: War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/8:55 AM
"where thousand of perilous burns," --Perilous what? Wheres the fucking noun man? "to refrain from that fatal burns." --Trying to sound fancy & sophisticated? 'That' is singular, 'burns' being plural... wouldn't it have been more intelligent to say 'those'? Oh, yes, don't forget that the missing noun in the beginning confuses it all, unless you intended it as a noun there too- which still makes little sense. "That they are right as a trivet" --What the fuck? Did you disconnect your brain from your fingers when typing up this shit? "alas happened to be the dweller of that land." --Now this is plain cheesy and fucking gay. I won't bother continuing, other than to add that using 'Envisage' was idiotic, thesaurophilic, & silly. Your views on Iraq are cliched, and frankly I don't give a shit. Zero.
Re: letting go too much by calliope	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/8:36 AM
Sounds like me and my relationship with methamphetamines... rotten teeth 'n payin for my piper. Then again, perhaps my ability to relate to/comprehend your poem is miserably crippled. Six.
Re: a comment on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/8:28 AM
Well, it doesn't sound like it: I am, er was, whatever preaching. That's the gimmick. Oh, and the big words weren't put there simply to impress... Sorry your vocabulary isn't more or less extended. Thank you for the vote 'n comment, brace yourself for the stench after the beep-- peace.
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	ecargo 167.219.88.140	7-Mar-06/7:43 AM
Nice--I really like the time jumping, the details: the "dirty hands and surety" and the "cluttered heaven of then."
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	7-Mar-06/5:52 AM
What rule say's that God can't or won't help a retired negro athelete get away with sawing off his exwife's head with a rusty knife?
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	7-Mar-06/5:42 AM
If he's above our understanding then why even bother believing in him when you have no idea who or what he really is? You link not understanding him to him being exempt from any rules when you obviously can't understand him enough to know whether or not he is exempt from rules. Don't even try to make an excuse for that remark, it's beyond repair. As far as truths to be heeded goes- you're one of the one's warning me about claiming to be damned to hell. Did you say that you know God? Well in your second claim of the above response you say you obviously can't know God because he's above our understanding and then down a little further you say well maybe I do. I went as far as the begining of the universe, quantum physics and even into an ancient philosophy to try to define God and only came out with a Dark Angel thrown egg on my face. Do you really think I give a damn about how you would describe God let alone percieve him. It was you and Amanda that started the preaching.