| Re: Likeness by MacFrantic |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
18-Mar-06/5:06 AM |
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'Tis the season to be jolly...oh, wait.
Good ending!
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| Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
MacFrantic 172.191.209.109 |
18-Mar-06/12:12 AM |
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Sweet lord 'twas remarkable. I do hope you do more. Particularly funny: "To go on a bender with communion wine." and "To address a Knight of the Realm as a 'Mr'." *10*
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| Re: Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0 |
MacFrantic 172.191.209.109 |
18-Mar-06/12:08 AM |
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Good "conversational" piece, but a bit lacking as a poem. Was "elementry" intentional? Please say it was. *6*
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| Re: Mid-July by Ranger |
MacFrantic 172.191.209.109 |
18-Mar-06/12:04 AM |
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Pretty good, true to form. A bit of an awkward read, something about the rhythm. Still enjoyable. *8*
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| Re: a comment on Martijn by Chasz Misleading |
Chasz Misleading 71.139.50.35 |
17-Mar-06/11:01 PM |
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He did!!! I'm so glad. He's my baby
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| Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
17-Mar-06/10:06 PM |
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Poor thing, his wife... and it all ends up with a nagging wife! What about the husbands.... they paint themselves as saints while they're pretty good at what they do! I suppose each one of them should be offered a chicken on a golden platter along with some beef cuts. You married Al? Maybe your wife, if you are lucky enough, could serve you some..... would be fun then! he he he he....
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| Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
17-Mar-06/9:44 PM |
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What do I need KFC for when I have AFC here. ....figure that one out!
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| Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
17-Mar-06/9:40 PM |
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Hmm Ranger, are you tall dark and handsome? ;-)
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| Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
17-Mar-06/4:41 PM |
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P.S. Please may I have my 9 back =D
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| Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
17-Mar-06/4:36 PM |
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It is too a pimple. To prove so, I would like to borrow the Pimple Checklist (courtesy of -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. Enterprises) to prove my point:
[_] AABBCC rhyming scheme
[_] About romantic love
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[_] Arbitrary line breaks
[X] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X] Braggadocious
[_] Clerical errors
[X] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[X] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc.
[_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[_] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[_] 'Lyrics'
[X] Melodramatic
[X] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[X] Overabundance of ellipses
[X] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures
[X] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[X] Sanctimoniously moral
[X] Sappy
[_] Suicide-related
[_] Wish fulfilment
That having been said, I'll get rid of the warning...I was kind of hoping someone would tell me it wasn't necessary.
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| Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger |
Dovina 12.72.27.49 |
17-Mar-06/4:28 PM |
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And to pimple too. Take out that warning, please. It's unfounded.
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| Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
17-Mar-06/4:23 PM |
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Just as good as Poe? Now that certainly is a compliment! Thank you! And yes - this sprung from a dreadful glosa I tried writing which had a quatrain from The Raven (what else?) as its basis. I love the rhythmic tricks he plays, but it's a bugger to ape in a glosa.
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| Re: Mid-July by Ranger |
Dovina 12.72.27.49 |
17-Mar-06/4:15 PM |
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An old-time Poe sadness, and just as good as Poe.
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| Re: a comment on Even the elephants by ecargo |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
17-Mar-06/4:11 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
17-Mar-06/4:04 PM |
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Karma - Justice...what's the difference between the two concepts?
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| Re: Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0 |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
17-Mar-06/3:49 PM |
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Hmm...potential, but it really needs changes (in my opinion). The ideas are nice but the word choices don't do it any sort of justice. Try using fewer pronouns (this is a pretty universal rule), particularly if you want the reader to 'relate'.
Also...think about rewriting this in the 3rd person - it gives you a lot more scope to be creative, to invent imagery and use metaphorical language. Which will earn you bonus points on here, trust me.
Keep working at it.
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| Re: a comment on The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
ALChemy 24.74.100.11 |
17-Mar-06/3:34 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina |
ALChemy 24.74.100.11 |
17-Mar-06/3:30 PM |
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Give me 10,000 dollars and a plane ticket to Vegas and I'll bring you back a retirement plan and buy you your own KFC.
But seriously, If Karma didn't work in India where would it?
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| Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 84.66.28.251 |
17-Mar-06/3:22 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina |
ALChemy 24.74.100.11 |
17-Mar-06/3:21 PM |
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You're right, Zodiac was the one who talked about his wife dying, not you. She must have been nagging him that day. I see your statement mentioned serious illness which come to think of it is even more creepily related to the Bird Flu. I'd love some of your famous chicken as long as it's dead and fried. Mad Cow disease, Bird Flu, Mercury in the fish, pretty soon I'll be surviving on nothing but McFries and a shake.
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