Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	Dovina 67.141.53.90	24-May-07/9:55 AM
By Job, you've got it. The answer to your question is - yes.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	Dovina 67.141.53.90	24-May-07/9:54 AM
I see your point. Verses 2 band 3 are past tense, all rest are present. My "good reason" for changing tense was to stress a change from just observing to drawing inferences, however strange, given the cyclist's weariness. I'm going to revise it, since everyone is having trouble following this biker's reasoning.
Re: a comment on 1945 by nypoet22	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	23-May-07/4:25 PM
Satchels have historically been a big part of European Jewish existence, since they periodically were forced to suddenly flee persecution with only what they could carry, usually a few valuables, a book or two and some clothes, carried in a satchel. see the above comments for more on the topic. On a lighter note, Stephen Robins thinks this poem really, really, really, really sucks, fails on every level, and would be better if satchel meant an axe in someone's forehead. since he has thus far been unable to express that thought in a civil or dignified manner, i'm paraphrasing so his vast and committed readership do not feel cheated of that very important opinion.
Re: a comment on Portrait of the artist as [insert adjective] by Nicholas Jones	Nicholas Jones 86.140.221.161	23-May-07/2:42 PM
Well, it's just meant as a list of adjectives, language stripped of embellishment. Perhaps that makes it anti-poetry. Also I've been listening to an album by Malcolm Middleton (who used to be in Arab Strap) which is full of savage self-loathing. By the way, and in case anybody has got the wrong idea, in a British context republican means to be in favour of abolishing the monarchy, not to be a supporter of the neo-conservative fuckwits currently in control of the White House.
Re: Four and a half paragraphs of silence by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	23-May-07/6:01 AM
Rejoice and praise ?-Dave_Mysterious-? His face is ace, his touch imperious, He makes buxom young women delirious, No! of course I'm not being serious! ?-Dave_Mysterious-? well done on relogging in after four years, just one other thing - could you file a patent for this ill-conceived contraption I invented as a panacea for all domestic chores? http://tinyurl.com/2yfdzj
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	some deleted user 64.140.228.21	23-May-07/4:38 AM
You're right--he just got under my skin for a moment--the 10 still stands for a great write.
Re: Bookshop girls by Stephen Robins	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:54 AM
Have you been in a charity shop recently?
Re: Mouth full of Posion by VioletSuccubus	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:53 AM
The passion's there, it just needs crafting now. Work the musicality, the cadence and add a couple of killer images. If it's the Gothic you're after, aim for a Poe-style effect. Who do you read?
Re: Ode to Jack by Skamper	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:43 AM
You seem to be aiming more for word-music - put some subtle rhymes in to make it move smoothly.
Re: 1945 by nypoet22	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:41 AM
I can't shake the Hiroshima feeling from this, "cold" being the odd word out, of course. "Satchel" is an interesting word to use there, it's either incredibly effective or detracting; I'm not certain which. I'll come back to this later.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:38 AM
Nice. You could do with looking a bit more at your articles - sometimes you use them when I don't think they're needed, and others you leave them out when they'd be better included. "Forty shades of southern green" is a good line.
Re: My Soul Cries Out by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:31 AM
I think that gospel blues is definitely your forte. The potential here, in my unhumble opinion, is to go "my heart dwells *in* every word..." and build a house-of-God analogy from there. Nice to see you're still writing :-)
Re: Portrait of the artist as [insert adjective] by Nicholas Jones	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:27 AM
Turn this into a concrete silhouette poeme and it will be brilliant. Everyone's a closet neo-Kantian even if they won't admit it.
Re: a comment on Ode to Jack by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.132.192	22-May-07/3:32 PM
I've only just discovered Jack, and all he stood for. Thanx for the input...
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	Skamper 202.6.132.192	22-May-07/3:22 PM
Cows will be cows and nothing more - which seemed to irritate the cyclist, to the point of internal dialogue where the cyclist attempts to free them from a fence that obviously doesn't bother the cows, for they have all they need exaclty where they are. Did the cyclist also feel the cows disdain for one who would expand energy so uselessly - as the next hill offers nothing but the same as the last? I like this, and think it needs nothing but the use of imagination in the reader.
Re: a comment on 1945 by nypoet22	Skamper 202.6.132.192	22-May-07/3:07 PM
This senryu caused quite a discussion in our house (yes, slow day). With many conclusions being formed on the use of the word -satchel. In your first write I had thought he was executing her, the language you used has softened with this re-write, and I think you had called her a survivor. The title dragged our minds to WW2, where the use of a satchel was widespread, from medics to children. He cries – her death breath Whispering - quiet, my love He holds her satchel It's hard to write with anothers thoughts, and I am still a little confused - all good tho - not everything needs an explanation, some writes are made to make you think..
Re: a comment on 1945 by nypoet22	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	22-May-07/1:48 PM
LOL! feeling cynical today? :)
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	22-May-07/1:16 PM
I meant both the rebuke arose stanza and the antsy spirit stanza, both inconsistent in tense. the rest of the poem is all present tense. If you're going to change tense, especially in the middle(s?) of two stanzas in a row, have a good reason to do so. did you have a reason, or was it just the way things came out?
Re: a comment on My Soul Cries Out by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.21.33	22-May-07/1:01 PM
Thanks D. I don't know how I skipped this comment.... and yes, you've picked up on the right vibes. Like a psalm. Honest emotions in prayer turn out like psalms.
Re: Ode to Jack by Skamper	Dovina 216.77.71.149	22-May-07/11:09 AM
And poetry is lost - And since romance is the beauty of things far away or gone, let the poetry of who Jack was roll on. May parents were not nearly as romantic during their lives as they are now. I like this.