arduinn
on Bracelets In A Box by cuddlytiger17
12 Oct 2004, 6:08 AM
I don't know what was wrong with Sasha and DA.
Whatever it is, just keep on writing.. based on your feelings or not. You can't please everybody but obviously, this one does it for me. (",)
Speaking of wheelchair-bound cripples, Christopher Reeve's dead.
I like the ' patiently', but the rest of it doesn't do much for me. Sorry.
I am extremely disappointed in you, Dovina.
moving on up.
Too good for a pimple too inconsistent in quality for a poem, the idea of being feasted upon could be elaborated on sooner as the end is the strongest part but by then i lost interest.
Not bad - not good. 5
Lose the message in brackets - fuck it
the rest is refreshingly original so for that ___7
Orbits = thoughts = broken particles theres stuff dripping from this.
Line 2 reeks class.
Anyone who can successfully utilize rhyming insertion and person deserves a pat on the back. I hope people dont just look at this as a laugh as to me there seemed something more.
You've given these dead loco's the kiss of life here and mucho respect for not dragging on too long with it. Lines 6/7 are can be explored further i feel, the greatness of of something now rusting away as fields bloom before them.
Not your best. Too many words. Good thought though.
Hywel, -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. and anyone interested in thoughts on multi-interpretations,
I read a very short poem once that seemed to come from the same kind of thinking that had gone into some of my writing. I liked it because I felt a kinship with a man known for his heavy drinking and living part of his life as a bum. I was touched that two of us humans so different could come together on this poem of his.
ART by Charles Bukowski
âAt the spirit wanes, the form appears.â
I thought how my own spirit wanes after work, relaxing with a glass of wine and the appearance of forms that find expression in written words. It seemed he had caught the notion that the cares of life and business inhibit the creation of art, the very notion I was feeling. The poem inspired me because it expressed something I had thought, but had never been able to say as succinctly as his brief poem.
A year or so later I learned what the poet was thinking. He said that he wrote the poem because as the spirit wanes and becomes like a dead thing, a poet turns to forms such as sonnets, villanelles and the like to cover his lack and give the impression of having something to say. It was a slur on poets becoming erudite.
What Bukowski meant and what I interpreted were entirely different. I do not say that this is how all poems should come across, only that itâs a way they can. He had his meaning and I interpreted mine. I still think itâs a good poem.
I appreciate all your comments and agree that my poem is lacking in the expression of something that to me was a very significant.
I'm a pinched hitter.
I loved the beginning, by the end though? I was like good christ. Women are so fucking co-dependant, blah.
Dude, you are fucking too cool. You crack me up like no other, love it.
I meant the "barrier" as being an emotional shield, and it being torn apart as a target is. Now that I look at it though, you're right, it doesn't make much sense how I worded it...Maybe you have some suggestions as to how I could fix it? That is if you understand what I was trying to say now? Thank you.
So vivid I can smell the saltwater.
The crab looked alive, but was actually dead.
The lifelike floating legs and protruding passive eyes surveying all - kind of creepy, yet thought provoking!