| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Bracelets In A Box (Free verse) by cuddlytiger17 As each night slowly fades away
And turns into another weary day
I still find myself thinking of you
And everything weâve been through
I remember the ecstasy of your laugh
The gentleness in your eyes
And the truth in your lies
I recall just how peaceful you made me feel
And how what we had felt so real
But as time and distance became our enemy
We were forced to say farewell
And leave fate the power to tell
With hearing the clockâs tick-tocks
I recollect memories of you
And bracelets in a box.
Up the ladder:
Hope, Approximately
Down the ladder:
Concerto Chaotic
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.888889
Posted: May 10, 2004 12:59 PM PDT; Last modified: May 10, 2004 12:59 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.4444447 Overall Rank: 744 Comments:
TEEN? That's been a fanta------- O.K. I actually like this, I guess 28 years hasn't been enough growing up for me. But expand n these feelings, It says what you mean, now just find more ways to say it. By the way, how old is your friend Sasha? I'm not afraid to travel!
Thank you sweety. I don't know for sure about you or anyone else, but I don't believe "lost love" is just a "teen" experience. Everyone has felt it, and everyone will feel it. You seem to understand that too. Thank you for the suggestions too, I appreciate it!!
So write about an experience, something, anything that's not about more teen heartbreak. You are different from every other teenager out there, ann. So write something that sets you apart from them. I've been to your website and the totality of your poems is the sort that (no offense) is not at all unique and could have been written by a teenager 20 years ago.
Bow'ls. You can write about anything and make it at least halfway interesting. Cuddlytiger's problem is that she's too young to have read very much poetry, so she can't have any clue how many thousands of times these feelings have been expressed in exactly the same way, and why that would be so irritating to anyone reading a poem like this. When she responds to this, it'll probably be to the effect that she doesn't care how many times other people have written the same thing etc etc etc. That kind of talk is bow'ls to the max. Listen carefully, cuddlytiger:
THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF POETRY. THE POINT OF POETRY IS TO INTEREST OTHER PEOPLE. I say, go ahead writing about your broken heart or whatever, but start thinking about how to do it originally and interestingly. You might start by clicking Random and reading (without commenting) until your retinas detach.
If you want to know how much I appreciate it, read my poem "To My Love", It's about to the bottom of my list. I wrote it about ten years ago, Still haven't found it!, Maybe someday...
Her friend Sasha?
Just because I know her first name which is on her website...
What website? and way the by, How old are you? Your interpretations are well thaught out and strike a chord, good job.
She's since taken the link to her website from her user profile- probably because I made use of it. I'll respect her privacy and not give it out
hey guys stop being HATERS this is a great poeme because it comes from the heart and that's what really matters isn't it?/?? Sasha who are you to tell someone what to write about poetry is all about emotions and it doesn't matter what words you use if you're poeme hasn't got emotions then it isn't a poeme -10-
So if I have an emotional overload and go into a siezure during which my head hits the keyboard repeatedly, is "sfbisfo sibaioniabrjg803nin7qcoai 31uo&* g(ealf" a poem because it occured during an emotional moment, even though it doesen't have words?
Can you spot the difference between a poeme that "contains emotions" and a 'poeme' that "occured during an emotional moment"? And what's this obsession with saying "bow'ls"? That is so immature, I swear. Your just angry that cuddlytiger didn't finish reading one of your poemes, and now your taking it out on one of hers, even though its a quite good poeme.
My obsession with saying Bow'ls? MY obsession?
I'll challenge that in fact you are the one with the obsession. I can say you were the first to use the word bow'ls. If I'm immature for using the word 9 times, then you my dear dark angel are at the maturity level of a prepubescent boy who giggles at the mention of lake titicaca, for using the word a whopping 29 TIMES!! (either that or you're some lonely sad sack of a man with a scatological fetish) So don't tell me not to use a word that YOU YOURSELF introduced to the site. You are full of BOW'LS! Behols the quotes from Dark_Angel April 23: nearly all questions in philosophy are steaming cornucopiae of bow'ls April 10: Bow'ls, I say April 2: Bow'ls March 31: whisper to the chimes of a distant flushing outhouse: Bow'ls, my lad. Utter, utter bow'ls. March 22: utter, utter, utter bow'ls March 22: Now the bow'ls don't work They just make things worse And I know I'll need to dump again March 13: Cotton bow'ls. March 11: bow'ls March 10: the opinions expressed on this page can only be described as "pig ignorant", "stultifyingly ill-informed" and "bow'ls". March 10: bow'ls March 9: But all this is utter bow'ls anyway because I just told you the case for broadening the existing definition for gay marriage. March 9: that's obviously bow'ls. March 8: bow'ls March 8: bow'ls March 8: bow'ls March 7: Quite good, but one point: 1. Do you mean "bow'ls"? March 5: bow'ls March 1: bow'ls Feb 23: A masterpiece from the "so incoherent it must be beautiful" school. -bow'ls- Feb 18: Knowing well your bow'ls are naughty Feb 17: bow'ls Feb 17: bow'ls Feb 5: bow'ls Feb 5: bow'ls Feb 4: Would that your bow'ls were as burdensome as mine -- I'd wager them capable of many a coiled disturbance in the force! Feb 4: bow'ls Feb 4: bow'ls Feb 3: bow'ls Feb 2: The subject matter is the same as always: the moving of bow'ls.
In either sense, this poem fails to evoke any emotion from me at all. While it may have been written during an emotional momen, and while the author may have tried to make it contain emotions, I think that it doesn't. That's my honest opinion, sorry. And anyway, when did you get the moral weight to talk about what's immature? I would take a look at some of your own comments before telling other people about their maturity level.
This isn't a court of law where arguments and rhetoric are all that matters, its a POETRY FORUM so can you please limit your comments to CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY? Thanks, we appreciate it.
Yes, I will when you do. Maybe I'm not getting something here or maybe I've been suddenly snatched up by a group of Crack Gangsters and am now living a narcotic fantasy, but I can't seem to find a way to lable use of the word "bow'ls" as the only word in a comment as any sort of constructive criticism. Now THAT's immature.
Speaking of maturity kid, in response to my two posts about why YOU were the one with the bow'ls obsession, all you could say was the very word "bow'ls." Seriously, go do some homework or something.
Am I to understand you still a teened-ager? Oh dear boy. Do you have the faintest idea of how old I am? When you look at the bags under my eyes, you can count the years in the soft, leathery folds; to count them all would take a lifetime in itself. When my used jodhpurs are incinerated and the foul smoke billows up into the evening sky, the very scent of Age seeps into every pore and crevice of the wretched, doomed butler-boy. And when the time comes that my bent, wither'd form can bear the weight of my colossal idiocy no longer, and the nursemaid drapes my bow'ls about the manor grounds as has been done since the days of my forefather's forefather's, then it will be as though an eternal brown night has descended upon the peasants who work the lands, for the impenetrable rope of my centuries-cured innards is as a slippery, stinking noose around the doomed village below.
And my shaving vest and my razor shall contain my life-essence, and they shall be passed on to my legions of bastard half-erect man-pigs, and my legacy will never die... -10- P.S. bow'ls
How touching. Perhaps you are not a teenager. You certainly sound like one much of the time
Whereas you always sound like the boy who nobody loved, except his beautiful books of foreign languages, which he constantly blabber'd about to all who dared come near.
As a boy I *whimper* was vey loved. *sniff* W-wh-wha- *more sniffs*-what d-d-dyou mean b-b-*More and louder sniffs*-by that?
Ha. Ha. No. I just don't happen to conform to the monolingual ignorance and idiocy of most Americans.
You mean you think you're special.
No. I think you are. I think you're special because you have digressed with me into a happy journey of non-constructive criticism of each other. This is a poetry forum isn't it? After all, you told me not to,
Please restate that in a way that makes sense.
Ok, how about this:
You're doing exactly what you told me not to do.
No, you're doing exactly what I told you not to do. I don't see why you can't just grow up for once in your life and have a mature conversation. This is a mature site and immaturity is frowned upon here, please keep it clean ok
Again, I'm not the one who introduced bow'ls to the site.
Most of the people who post regularly here (including yourself) say things that most normal people would consider immature. For example, it's hardly mature to talk about "steaming cornucopiæ of bow'ls" even with respect to philosophy.
OK Im done arguing with you, its obvious you don't care about other peoples feelings, so I've started a petition to get you HARNESSED or hopefully BANNED on the suggestions page. yeah thats right now you're gonna start seeing some conseqeunces for your lewd behaviour
I refuse to argue anymore with any of you. This is all pointless. People's opinions and beliefs differ depending on the person. No one is right or wrong. Sasha I don't know why you're so hung up on trying to bring me down...My goal isn't to try to impress others, I've already stated that. But you can't expect me at 16 to have experienced "all there is" and to have grown enough to "meet your standards" of what a "good" poem is. This arguing is all really childish and thats why I'm at least ending my half of it here.
Not to trash you further, but people who don't care what others think of their poetry don't post their poems on Poemranker for comment.
Sasha i thank you for respecting my privacy and not giving out my website. I write poems for myself, and i post them on websites for others to apply to their own lives if they wish. I enjoy doing so, I know there are plenty of others who do also. Its as simple as that. Sliver, if you wish to know the address to my website, email me at cuddlytiger17@fastmail.fm and id be more than happy to give it to you.
I don't know what was wrong with Sasha and DA.
Whatever it is, just keep on writing.. based on your feelings or not. You can't please everybody but obviously, this one does it for me. (",)
Thank you very much. And just in case you'd like to know, Sasha and I resolved our "differences" quite some months ago. Haven't heard from him at all lately though. Ah well. Anyways thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. :)
261 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I'm giving you fair warning: Many other people on this site will be very impolite in telling you what they think of poems like this.
Whether poetry is good or not has absolutely nothing to do with whether it "somes from your soul" or not. It's good if the words are strung together in a way that is pleasing both aurally and cognatively.
True, good verse and feeling can coincide and they often do, but the fact is that they are independent of each other. If the Aeneid represents Virgil's emotions then he's the king of psychopaths.
If you had conquered the self-admitted problem of your "short attention span" and read through the poem of mine you viewed, which is a translation of Antonio Machado's Retrato, you would have seen that it was written in a very detatched, unemotional manner. The poem had nothing to do with the way machado was feeling.
1. Love is what is important to me.
2. Poetry is about emotions.
3. I'm not trying to impress you, I'm just expressing my emotions.
4. If you don't like it, don't read it.
I am very impressed, your wind up technique is possibly unrivalled anywhere else on Poemranker. Well done.
But your poetry stinks.
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A sacred pleasure dome decree
Where Alf, the sacred river ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea...
Great poem, not much about love and emotions. Any guesses on the author cuddlytiger17?