A couple of lines detract, the last and 64-65. Lots of interesting similes, and adj. good.

i think it is brilliant

the mind is in the gutter and the title is just killing me.... overall - felt like the beginning of a story - wanted to read on but, alas, there was no more..

got to give you a 10 for this. Your stuf just gets better

I liked the just on the edge of dark, old romantic feel of this.

oh I said i would call but i dont think it was you was it?

Ummm...this is, er, autobiographical i suppose...shit happens and, err, shit happened and is still happening unfortunately...

would be much better without that last line...eek that is horrible.

I got the idea of the title from the Nick Cave novel...I decided to write a bitter sweet tale of unrequited love disguised as a childrens poem...i dunno if it works or not...you tell me

You should use the assonance between volatile and pride. Try 'drunk on tequila and pride' instead. The first line is wonderful, except for 'clear'. It should just be bacon. The end is silly, is it meant to be?

Boring

The last line's a mammoth disappointment. Some very good lines and structure. In S2, I can't tell if you or the stones are whipping through a bleak blue sky, needs clearing up.

ugh.

What the fu...?

Hip Hop meets Peace-nik meets Mother Goose meets Fundamentalism meets every 20something 'street-poet' doing her thang.

Shrapnel

Swit

"angry chickens"? Need I say more? 6

And how is this a prose poem? This is a soggy cracker jack in denial mang.

Don't forget to thank John k for single handedly making the drummer from Def leopard join the band blind puma, and chopping off his other arm, in order to play the drums by merely face thrusting into a an industrial can, a mouthful of peanuts, sucking off all of the salt, and shooting them at the snare like a fixed rain bird sprinkler, fucking asshats.