god'swife
on You can seize my smile by Prince of Void
15 Jun 2004, 3:19 PM
Your crowns on too tight.
5-7-5 structure like a haiku, but not of nature but of life.
Did you run-over your wife?
EXCELLENT. and you even called it the right name!
If poetry was a picnic, this would be potato salad that sat out int he sun too long.
Do you sing this at AA meetings? No, impossible, since they're all better poets than you, they'd throw coffee cups at your head, and burn you with their cigarettes.
Thwere should be a period at the end of the 3rd line, or no puncuation at all.
I agree. The title could be a little better, but great nonetheless.
Im getting to be a bit of a fan of your poems
i just like the strange erie feel to them!!
Crap from the first. Why don't you submit an application to MTV's MADE. They'll send you a poetry coach, and put you on a diet.
Q: When is a cock not suspicious?
A: When it's LONGanimous. (you know, patient endurance of HARDship)
WTF?
Well done!
You have a point Shin Shuu,but the poem should be for you,not publication.
How can you smoke a joint and call Bob Marley a fag?
Better than anything "god's wife" could dream of putting on paper!Don't let his or her self loathing stop you from self expression.Keep writing how or what you feel.
Not bad at all.I give you a seven.
P.S."god's wife" please stop being so great and wise.
It makes you sound so sad and lonely.
Not bad,but you need to use a more compact, yet broader range of words,maybe something that flows just a tad better.And by the way never take "god's wife's" sad caption as being an actual person's opinion.
Keep putting your words on paper!
Yes, the first three lines are not needed,but still pretty decent.
P.S. "god's wife" is a terrible and lowley critic!
its like they have their own little mind, isn't it.