Indeed

What is this sculpture a match to? I don't understand the trap either.

What does this mean?

Forget the last stanza it's too obvious. 'Waiting''s a good way to end this poem.

This is ridiculously hard to follow. Your sentences are absurdly lengthy.

How does the first stanza tie into this scene?

Remove the last sentence. You don't have to give the punchline away. 'Life sustain' is a silly pun, it doesn't work.

I would like to dissociate myself from this crude and offensive poeme

I suppose "lying" is more accurate. It's what we do at deathbeds, damn it. Good poem.

Not too shabby at all, nope, not at all. Because of the length I feel okay picking on a line, this one :"Where winter rains paint frozen needles," needs a meter tweek I think. But really, it doesn't hurt the thing much - well done.

"Speak quickly when lying"-- Would that be telegraphing the message? Change your name more often so when I give you a -10- I can feel less like a fan and more like an objective reader.

You need some keys in your wallet. I didn't read the original but this last stanza flows well.

I feel so unclean.

this is a haiku. it is in the present moment. everything is natural. and who gives a fuck? the title: i don't know. the link to brando is necessary for full effect, but why not just Brando? 3rd line...i would like it better as "the moon grown fat" perhaps making the entire ku one sentence. i have become addicted to haiku, and have written nothing but for the past 2 weeks or so...quite frustrating actually. I wish i had never written one. this one is damn good.

let me be the first to say "davinguff" sentence structure is a major, crucial element in all writing, including free verse, prose and even some grocery lists. the worthwhile writer takes his potential audience into consideration, and tries to structure sentences in a way that makes them understandable to that audience. I think the poem is pretty good, though it feels like a preach in parts. this is unsavory.

i dont think you have to write "i look at them" the following action implies this just fine. good poem.

lions could use an apostrophe

i am not entirely sure, but i don't think that the word "loom" can be used as a transitive verb. perhaps move the word loom to the first line or use a comma. this goes well with part 2, and is pretty good, and even a bit funny.

i still do not understand why sung and not sang.

Please change the title to "Butter Me Up".