wilco
on Mr Blobby V skooby doo!! by MR Blobby
17 Jul 2004, 3:16 PM
bloody hell.
Good. I'd take out "the" before sun in two places, and "murders of crows"?
It seems the numbers are there to rhyme, unless I'm missing something. Last two lines are good.
Beautiful poem. :)
Beautiful poem. :)
Ambiguous, since "proof" could go either way.
Why not "He" in the first line, or even leave out "recently" as redundent.
Is "battery of" needed?
Title: Exploitation.com
Captured perfectly and beautifully.
Title suggestion: "Pike County Breakdown"
In High Wycombe, there is a fast food restaurant called Tennessee Fried Chicken. The most hilarious joke you can do, I you're feeling bored on a Saturday night, is to go in there and ask for directions to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Or so I am told.
It is well written, but the idea behind it seems a kind of vague portentiousness. I believe that is why you are having a problem with the title.
That was interesting...
horus8
on An Old Man's Folly (from the diaries of Dave Q. Mysterious) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
17 Jul 2004, 6:04 PM
That's Art 11!
No
Fizz
I surf Dana Point... Go Killer Dana! Fuck the red triangle though; too cold up there.
good poem!!
titan69
on An Old Man's Folly (from the diaries of Dave Q. Mysterious) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
18 Jul 2004, 12:13 AM
wow! thats so strange love it !!
Thank you, both.
At 50 you would have to be well lubricated.