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An Old Man's Folly (from the diaries of Dave Q. Mysterious) (Prose Poem) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
"Old man," I cried, shaking the contorted pensioner vigorously by the collar. "Old man, wake up!" Finding the man rather unresponsive, I attempted to rouse him by means of a comical jig. However, I was soon interrupted, as a stern looking attendant tooted sharply upon a policeman's whistle. She said nothing, but merely wagged her finger and indicated a sign reading, 'NO HORNPIPES.' Not to be deterred, I squatted and examined the fellow in closer detail. I was intrigued, I confess - a wizened old man, in an internet cafe, slouched over the adjacent terminal with his legs splayed and crotch unsheathed. I was so puzzled over the affair that I almost missed my order, no. 89: egg, beans, toast and egg. Still twitching imperceptibly, the man clasped a mouse in his shrivelled left hand, whilst the complementary hand, the right, was plunged deep into his loins. The upper region of his corduroy trousers appeared to have been bespattered with a strange, gelatinous fluid, glistening playfully beneath the cafe's UV mood-lighting. Unable to contain my curiosity further, I looked up at the screen. The navigation bar bore the address: http://www.cs.ucl.ac.uk/external/atanu/jb.html

Up the ladder: Depth of Illusion
Down the ladder: unidentified

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.571429
Weighted score: 5.422622
Overall Rank: 3070
Posted: July 16, 2004 4:56 PM PDT; Last modified: July 17, 2004 4:22 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 17-Jul-04/6:04 PM | Reply
That's Art 11!
[9] titan69 @ 213.48.172.3 | 18-Jul-04/12:13 AM | Reply
wow! thats so strange love it !!
[n/a] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 80.42.67.134 | 19-Jul-04/12:31 AM | Reply
Extract from Jeremy Bentham's Last Will and Testament:

My body I give to my dear friend Doctor Southwood Smith to be disposed of in a manner hereinafter mentioned, and I direct ... he will take my body under his charge and take the requisite and appropriate measures for the disposal and preservation of the several parts of my bodily frame in the manner expressed in the paper annexed to this my will and at the top of which I have written Auto Icon. The skeleton he will cause to be put together in such a manner as that the whole figure may be seated in a chair usually occupied by me when living, in the attitude in which I am sitting when engaged in thought in the course of time employed in writing. I direct that the body thus prepared shall be transferred to my executor. He will cause the skeleton to be clad in one of the suits of black occasionally worn by me. The body so clothed, together with the chair and the staff in the my later years bourne by me, he will take charge of and for containing the whole apparatus he will cause to be prepared an appropriate box or case and will cause to be engraved in conspicuous characters on a plate to be affixed thereon and also on the labels on the glass cases in which the preparations of the soft parts of my body shall be contained ... my name at length with the letters ob: followed by the day of my decease. If it should so happen that my personal friends and other disciples should be disposed to meet together on some day or days of the year for the purpose of commemorating the founder of the greatest happiness system of morals and legislation my executor will from time to time cause to be conveyed to the room in which they meet the said box or case with the contents therein to be stationed in such part of the room as to the assembled company shall seem meet .

Queens Square Place, Westminster, Wednesday 30th May, 1832.
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