Thanx: my 21 year old son is in Iraq

Truly an epiphany.

I just went back and read Zodiacs- Come away with me Carly- and it seemed to echo the sound/rhythm of a villanelle. So does this, to me. Am I right? Or do I need therapy? :/

very nice description...:) Bethy

Days go by me yet I stay...I like this line...This is enchanting...I can see this poem...:) Bethy *9*

I really like this...it sings...it flows...:) Bethy

good blog! :) Bethy

Pretty

I've never been the best at punctuation but shouldn't there be commas or something between "over/joy" and "come/bells". Was this a lyrical style poem? Sounds lyrical. It's probably the refrains that do it.

Thanks for reading and the comments. Now looking at it, I think my 'spell correction' did not catch whispy...should it not be wispy? I have mispelled before, as it seems it should have an h in it, but if I remember correctly, it does not...? LilMsLadyPoet

The rhythm is so good that the few lines out-of-rhythm really stand out.

No, you shouldn't. It's bordering on overcleverness now (you know the kind: the turn-of-phrase or hidden rhyme won't fit in the poem but you just can't stop yourself from including it.) I like all of this except "she was in the perfect autumn ensemble"

Goose bumps...*10* the last two verse are my favs...:) Bethy

it was both...:) Bethy

This is a favorite...*10* :) Bethy

Feels Very much like Lorca

This is pure music!

This is an amazing poem. Hope this isn't based on a true story. -10- and fave

I adore: "Her voice weaves sweet,"...awesome line...perhaps change chasses to 'shifts'?... 'She shifts and her hips send thoughts of romance'...etc.

spall? typo? (spill, fall?) made up word? new word I have somehow managed to miss? gap in my vocabulary? What of this wall?...you described it, now I wonder about it...perhaps you could add to this, make it more than just a description. Does this wall match how you feel? How the area feels? Dark and crumbling? Is it decaying while everything else around it is newly built and valued? Is there a contrast you can include, to make this wall interesting? Does is separate you from something, does it line something, does it hold up something of worth, or left to decay as if it is nothing, when it is in fact something? As it stands, it just stands and does not garner much if any attention. I need more than this if I am to take notice of this wall of yours.