Bethy
on Art serves a Purpose by i_am_the_popsicle
24 Aug 2005, 3:42 PM
nice...:) Bethy
My dear it's merely a matter of T's and Dâs.
You can choose to be chaste
or choose to be chased
but rarely is a woman both of these
for most men are lead from their waist.
I read this several times to be sure I got the most out of it. Thank you for your time, Sasha.
This poem doesen't tell me anything besides what I've heard a thousand times. If you must do so, and it's okay if you do, then please, please use less outworn language. "Savior" for example needn't be here. You repeat yourself over and over and over. Say something more!!!
"necver"?
The last line might need an extra syllable I'm not sure but try sounding it out with "mankind's tide".
wow that's the kind of one night stand you can see on an abc drama.
rockmage,
Did I do something to piss you off? You went through
all my poems and gave each a zero. They can't be that
bad, can they? Oh well, at least you were consistent
and also, used your name rather than anonymous.
This poem is pretty good. kind of humorous and surely
original in its content.
Your old buddy,
Quarton
i think mariah's verse is "we can make a million promises"
Nice evocations of cooking throughout - but for the line about hips. So I'm thinking of a substitute for chassés that involves a stirring, a rolling, a grinding.
nice :)
Sometimes it's what we don't know that makes a poem work.
Reading this, has made me realized that its sooo true..where is that mudda..anywho, i give this a ten and 3 quarters..muhahah
simply said...good poem...:)Bethy *8*
circle of life...wish we could do something about it...it is a sad life at times...and it is also a joyous one too...good poem...:)Bethy
after tanks(4) http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Is this really free verse?
Mostly very good. I think you could do better with the last line. It's too trite for the rest of the poem. Overall, I like the way you've managed the transition from affectionate domesticity to shocked betrayal. I can see why you'd then focus on the feelings of disbelief, but I don't think you've captured it so well. The last two stanzas are not so powerful as those preceding, and the last line doesn't do justice to any of what came before. There's got to be more going on in your tangled thoughts and feelings. I was hoping to hear more.
I have said it a thousands times...Life is the longest thing we have! good poem...:) Bethy
one nighters look just like that...lol :) Bethy
I happen to be listening right now to a song with one of the sexiest lines I know:
- So go outside in the desert heat,
get your dress all wet and send it to me.
My suggestion: White cotton panties and nothing else.