Re: Yield by wilco	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	30-Sep-05/8:09 AM
Good ol' country song.
Re: The Sun by MacFrantic	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	30-Sep-05/8:20 AM
Couplet 4 is redundant and contradictory. (How the hell did you manage that?) Why call it a free verse poem? Kind of a good lullaby.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	30-Sep-05/2:49 PM
I really think you could have made this better...
Re: Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse	wilco 66.61.101.130	30-Sep-05/2:58 PM
I'd leave off the opening statement...and then proofread it..."to this to this shadowy bridge"? I'm guessing a typo...
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	30-Sep-05/3:02 PM
Heaven showed it's furry?! How rude... On a serious note, you might want to proofread...(i.e. - furry should be fury) and maybe think over a few lines such as the first.
Re: A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	Dovina 162.83.142.20	30-Sep-05/3:25 PM
Sounds like a dream, and a happy one.
Re: Without my Glasses by Niphredil	zodiac 86.108.14.15	1-Oct-05/6:52 AM
VADA His face hurts, and where is his glasses? He can't see without his glasses! Put his glasses on! (Harry and Shelly are rapidly approaching Vada, Shelly takes hold of her and tries to pull her away) Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat. HARRY He's gone sweetheart. He's gone! VADA Get away, get away!!
Re: What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp	zodiac 86.108.14.15	1-Oct-05/7:05 AM
The best part was "encampuslate". Have you ever read anything, ever?
Re: A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	zodiac 86.108.14.15	1-Oct-05/7:07 AM
I never understand anything you write about.
Re: Renewal by emilyowey	Dovina 66.65.135.95	1-Oct-05/5:57 PM
Nicely said. A leaf turning red is really the departing of green chlorophyl, I'm told.
Re: False Reality by jlynnwall	Tintagiles 207.179.148.21	2-Oct-05/10:50 AM
Unfinished indeed. Ask me again when it's done. And have a five, as it doesn't matter either way, which is the proper thing to do to drafts.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/11:55 AM
You've got some great lines here, and a good rhythm. "Prisoners with socialite waists,quiet as certain sins."
Re: Without my Glasses by Niphredil	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/12:01 PM
Don't mind Zodiac, he's heat stricken over there in the Islamic sun. His grammar's gone kaput, and he thinks glasses will relieve his pain. As for your poem, I'm having trouble with how glasses affect streaks of white that you see, and haw you could see it any better with glasses, looking through the windowshade.
Re: What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/12:05 PM
The best part is "a deceitful pathway to empty noise." Zodiac is attracted to you in a spelling or spell-binding way.
Re: Fourteen Years by impert&ent	Hadasl 85.250.14.211	2-Oct-05/12:48 PM
'Sparkbrook' didn't do it for me. Liked the imagery, though they didn't seem to flow very well.
Re: sick and demented by sk8boardandpoems	Hadasl 85.250.14.211	2-Oct-05/12:55 PM
It's good but for the beginning, middle and end.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/5:04 PM
The last line changes POV from her to him and blows an otherwise tender scene. I, for one, think it's best to use just one one POV.
Re: The Play by Hadasl	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/5:13 PM
Spelling (reenact amends) and grammar (too many to mention) checks would help. mainly, I think a clear idea of what you want to say would be the biggest help.
Re: After her storm (draft) by Caducus	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:13 PM
Lovely as always.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:15 PM
shorten it a bit and "the power over the stove" bit is awful.