is that what you think marriage is about?

I love this: I want to tell you I fear falling into religion and the scaffold of proper nouns, greetings, and expansive gestures - but the sentence seems convoluted to me, and i am not sure of your meaning. not that i need to be sure, it's jsut that i want a clearer reason for these bold statement to link in with that lasting, last image.

It starts out good, and some good stuff throughout it, but it kinda falls apart on me, in the middle...it gets all unlcear...and then the last line is cool.

Zodiac is right, about the usage of 'stands amidst' and brink/waterfall, brinks/waterfalls. but be careful of 'that ends'...alot of s's. You go from talking about the birds...(Which I think is very cool, BTW.) to talking about the tree's leaves, again. ('Its leaves'The transition there left me unclear for a second. I wonder if the bird thing would work better as the ending, that way you concentrate on the tree, then pan up to the birds above it. Some puncutation would be helpful. I like this piece...and I believe there is always a 'tree', of some sort or another, even if it is only the one I construct in my mind's eye.

Shannon is a woman in texas. Off the tangent poetry a bit.

Makes you wonder, if he'd drunk the potion first, would he have thought he was getting such a good deal?

Oddly, your best song to date. -10-

And I love how it makes masturbation almost elegant. -10-

I cringed going back to read this.

Looking back on my earlier stuff I agree it sucked ass. The occasional line / stanza was okay but I cringe looking back at some of it. My error was to post stuff in no apparent order, for instance I would post a poem i wrote at 20 and then the same day one I just wrote at 27 and its no wonder you thought 'what the fuck'? I realized this error and birthed the swine - now I hope some of my later ones (the last 30 or so) are passable. I was an arrogant cunt and apologize.

Do you mean spiraling? How about a space after "fire,"? I've had that kind of hope for a change in somebody before. It's a hard thing to hold silent and wait. It shouldn't have to be.

"through the night" I disagree with "one day we will get this world right."

Amen.

A little thin but I get it. kinda.

Your premise: "We only awaken once" It took awhile to see the sun as one awakened thing, the rooster as another. But then you say "then," well, seems it should be "or" or something not implying two awakenings of the same thing. And the butcher block - chips? Oh, somebody must be constructing it, because they don't give off chips in normal use. Then I lose you when chips awaken as farmer and farm.

I got here late. Add me to the barrage. However ,I like the dove/pigeon thing. The core is good. Lift that bale! Tote that barge!

Spoken like someone not married.

but why do you keep the pointless capitalization? It's not even uniform... in a sentence like this, for instance, 'If it was just a dream or a Foolish fantasy,' there's absolutely no necessity to capitalize within the sentence.

Marriage a-la Jurrassic Park: Sure it's all oohs and ahhs now, Later there's running and screaming.

I don't totally get this yet, but the language and images are amazing. Happy loving.