regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.201.235.165	18-Oct-05/1:24 AM
Shannon is a woman in texas. Off the tangent poetry a bit.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 217.144.7.195	18-Oct-05/4:38 AM
Makes you wonder, if he'd drunk the potion first, would he have thought he was getting such a good deal?
Re: Loving An Angel by Brego	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	18-Oct-05/5:39 AM
but why do you keep the pointless capitalization? It's not even uniform... in a sentence like this, for instance, 'If it was just a dream or a Foolish fantasy,' there's absolutely no necessity to capitalize within the sentence.
Re: Air Guitar by Miggy	zodiac 217.144.7.195	18-Oct-05/5:44 AM
Oddly, your best song to date. -10-
Re: Air Guitar by Miggy	zodiac 217.144.7.195	18-Oct-05/5:45 AM
And I love how it makes masturbation almost elegant. -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.201.235.165	18-Oct-05/5:53 AM
I cringed going back to read this.
Re: My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit	Caducus 172.201.235.165	18-Oct-05/5:57 AM
Looking back on my earlier stuff I agree it sucked ass. The occasional line / stanza was okay but I cringe looking back at some of it. My error was to post stuff in no apparent order, for instance I would post a poem i wrote at 20 and then the same day one I just wrote at 27 and its no wonder you thought 'what the fuck'? I realized this error and birthed the swine - now I hope some of my later ones (the last 30 or so) are passable. I was an arrogant cunt and apologize.
Re: Low Tide by somemorepoetry	LilMsLadyPoet 24.162.238.185	18-Oct-05/11:49 AM
It starts out good, and some good stuff throughout it, but it kinda falls apart on me, in the middle...it gets all unlcear...and then the last line is cool.
Re: There is a journey tree by ALChemy	LilMsLadyPoet 24.162.238.185	18-Oct-05/12:01 PM
Zodiac is right, about the usage of 'stands amidst' and brink/waterfall, brinks/waterfalls. but be careful of 'that ends'...alot of s's. You go from talking about the birds...(Which I think is very cool, BTW.) to talking about the tree's leaves, again. ('Its leaves'The transition there left me unclear for a second. I wonder if the bird thing would work better as the ending, that way you concentrate on the tree, then pan up to the birds above it. Some puncutation would be helpful. I like this piece...and I believe there is always a 'tree', of some sort or another, even if it is only the one I construct in my mind's eye.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 209.247.222.86	18-Oct-05/3:06 PM
Do you mean spiraling? How about a space after "fire,"? I've had that kind of hope for a change in somebody before. It's a hard thing to hold silent and wait. It shouldn't have to be.
Re: Air Guitar by Miggy	Dovina 209.247.222.86	18-Oct-05/3:10 PM
"through the night" I disagree with "one day we will get this world right."
Re: A Dark Account of History by D. $ Fontera	INTRANSIT 12.111.125.130	18-Oct-05/3:43 PM
Amen.
Re: Figment by Dovina	INTRANSIT 12.111.125.130	18-Oct-05/3:48 PM
A little thin but I get it. kinda.
Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	Dovina 209.247.222.86	18-Oct-05/3:49 PM
Your premise: "We only awaken once" It took awhile to see the sun as one awakened thing, the rooster as another. But then you say "then," well, seems it should be "or" or something not implying two awakenings of the same thing. And the butcher block - chips? Oh, somebody must be constructing it, because they don't give off chips in normal use. Then I lose you when chips awaken as farmer and farm.
Re: There is a journey tree by ALChemy	INTRANSIT 12.111.125.130	18-Oct-05/3:54 PM
I got here late. Add me to the barrage. However ,I like the dove/pigeon thing. The core is good. Lift that bale! Tote that barge!
Re: Marriage by Dovina	INTRANSIT 12.111.125.130	18-Oct-05/4:56 PM
Marriage a-la Jurrassic Park: Sure it's all oohs and ahhs now, Later there's running and screaming.
Re: Marriage by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/3:14 AM
Spoken like someone not married.
Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	zodiac 217.144.7.195	19-Oct-05/3:18 AM
I don't totally get this yet, but the language and images are amazing. Happy loving.
Re: Marriage by Dovina	<~> 167.206.181.179	19-Oct-05/6:37 AM
is that what you think marriage is about?
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	<~> 167.206.181.179	19-Oct-05/6:41 AM
I love this: I want to tell you I fear falling into religion and the scaffold of proper nouns, greetings, and expansive gestures - but the sentence seems convoluted to me, and i am not sure of your meaning. not that i need to be sure, it's jsut that i want a clearer reason for these bold statement to link in with that lasting, last image.