I think you've worked this thing to diminishing returns, like the Concord.

Great. "awoke" in line 1.

I would have thought he was more of a Squidward sympathist. I never realised Jesus was so popular with the potheads and gays till now.

"Hermanns" maybe?

backwards through magazines? if i were in japan, i wouldnt want to go back home either!

announcing the time at the end refers to the time of her death was also the time of her life - 1941. I just thought I'd mention it but its monday who cares lol./

It's not very sporting of you to turn the subject of the conversation away from your poem before we get the chance to.

Although I think you're completely misinterpreting Jeff Mangum's lyrics, there are still parts of this that I like (such as the third stanza). Also, points for knowing who Neutral Milk Hotel is...

Yeah I believe it can happen that way. I'd prefer less redundancy and more clever lines, but you've caught glympse of a path I might have taken, but for fortune.

Not sure about the relevance of verse three. Otherwise cool.

Cool. The only problem I see is the line break and the bread/goes fast. It would work better imo as one line and then another line (a simile to describe the bread going fast perhaps) before the final couplet.

"freely" should be a noun form, I think. "we'd" seems grammetically bad. Maybe "we"

The metaphor works pretty well until the last two lines.

Anne Frank's novel?! Are you saying she made all that shit up? If it's lame it can't be a standard novel, same with drivel as standardized education. Standard means acceptable. Who is neutral milk hotel and why isn't he/she or it capitalized? "a feely fraught with emptiness" is contradictory but I'm sure you'd meant to be oxymoronic. Good use of alliteration.

"Don't hate the playa, hate the game." -Tupac We've all had our hearts broken. The difference between us and you is the capacity to learn from our mistakes. You didn't have your life taken, you're just brain dead.

Not really an allegory but I guess No One won't mind that.

skaskowski nation of islands (free verse) it placed the container of coffee in the cooker and it resupplied the flame in a fire then it placed in the bank in order to it completes in his sympathy and in order to it gives the attention it shakes this it should cases fast in the sleep it has the fracture of that relaxedly blooming her cheeks is licked this way and this gullible vloek ways should it is wes Anderson it is.

Seems that "if" V2, L3 should logically be "because" "after once" seems too quirky, maybe "others"

One slice does it all.

I live +7 hours from Eastern Time, +2 from Greenwich, which is the time on the comment-clock. I can honestly say I've never seen an episode of Spongebob in my life, so I'm rubber you're glue. I'm not even curious to hear how you figure this is relevant. -10-