Re: The Deep End by drnick	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:15 PM
It's generally not a good idea to give your poem the same name as a movie, good or bad, similar or not. Also, loose should be lose.
Re: Pain, I Curse Thee by woodstock20000	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:15 PM
I just saw Pain and, man, he's shaking in his boots.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:17 PM
"Sex and the city is this feminism?" A TV show can't be feminism. Even liking or disliking it can't be feminism.
Re: Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:19 PM
If you're drunk and horny, dying looks alright, I guess.
Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:21 PM
The people who needed to know this already think you're nuts, on account of your hair and hanging around all day on a pastel-blue poetry site.
Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:22 PM
The people who care don't need more convincing.
Re: Three Skinheads by Caducus	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:24 PM
If I were, say, High Emperor of Poetry, I'd make a law forbidding the use of 'as' for linking clauses.
Re: Heirophant by cyan9	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:24 PM
Femininity. Three 'i's. Otherwise, not bad.
Re: What is it about brothers? by Tara57	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:26 PM
After my little sister attempted suicide, a counselor told her it was all my brothers' and my fault. Now she lives with my mom and collects Middle America postcards with nothing written on them. I can't tell her anything, so I just send postcards.
Re: What is it about brothers? by Tara57	ecargo 167.219.0.143	19-Jan-06/2:45 PM
Disagree that this is overwrought (well, some lines are, but for the most part I don't think it is)--the words are simple and the emotion strongly conveyed. Some problems with the ending--it starts to fall apart with all the fathersistermotherlovers and the repetition of "listen to me now," but the bulk of it is pretty well done. The Cain and Abel ref is a little too obvious (for my taste)--think it'd be better implied. The concrete homey details--sharing baths, etc., give the larger themes a face, which works nicely. Some editing would make it even better.
Re: Topper Fey by ALChemy	Dovina 69.175.32.104	19-Jan-06/2:58 PM
Nicely done, and with such a good rhythm that the few lines that break cadence really stand out.
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Jan-06/3:00 PM
Good. Play around with the line breaks a little more. See if you can get any added effect from them.
Re: Topper Fey by ALChemy	cyan9 81.6.231.161	19-Jan-06/3:08 PM
Like it, amusing and fun. verse with Now thank the lord above stood out a little too much for my likings, too much of a change of rythm, or maybe the wrong sort of change
Re: a week off by hendrimike	cyan9 81.6.231.161	19-Jan-06/3:11 PM
"the horizon becomes the sunlights throne, orange purple red and gold" are very good lines, I thought this was simple and nice, and probobally deserved more than some of the votes its been given.
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	Dovina 69.175.32.104	19-Jan-06/3:12 PM
Do you mean Frederick Illinois?
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	cyan9 81.6.231.161	19-Jan-06/3:13 PM
It left me wanting to shoot Fredrick Illinois
Re: "By your side" by jontod	jontod 71.108.215.6	19-Jan-06/5:33 PM
Great!!!
regarding some deleted poem...	jontod 71.108.215.6	19-Jan-06/5:34 PM
cheese
Re: "By your side" by jontod	Dovina 69.175.32.104	19-Jan-06/5:45 PM
"broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." A good take on this. A prose poem, not free verse.
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/7:57 PM
I bearded that Christ with a wipe Of the HIV-positive type, But the wipe, it made raids On his bum (being AIDS With a passion for Negro-Christ pipe.) So I bearded him once with a nappy To cover his breasts (they were flappy.) At least he looked cleaner, But as for demeanor We still couldn't tell if he was happy.