| Re: Our Marriage by amanda_dcosta |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
27-Jan-06/11:51 AM |
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The meter is not so steady in this that you need devices like "ne'er" to maintain it. And why "learnt" not learned? The cross/toss rhyme seems unnecessary where rhyming is not the pattern. Likewise "'morrow." These poeticizing attempts only detract from you free style which has its own kind of poetry.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
27-Jan-06/1:18 PM |
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Thinking about the Bible, and Michael Dâs flight to skid row or someplace, and your wonderment about Bukowskiâs stint there, and alchemy's great summary of Michael D's brief stay, where else is anything both as succinct and as early as this:
âThe race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.â
Ecc. 9:11 NIV
God>Solomon>Bukowski>god'swife
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ciantu 71.2.61.191 |
27-Jan-06/4:57 PM |
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| Re: Memoirs of a Greasyslut the rest of the story by Glasseyez |
ciantu 71.2.61.191 |
27-Jan-06/4:58 PM |
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I always wondered what happed to the other sister
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| Re: Memoirs of a Greasyslut the rest of the story by Glasseyez |
zodiac 66.230.117.199 |
27-Jan-06/5:06 PM |
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How true! Geishas DO live in India!
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| Re: Untouchable by rahson_s |
Alizarin_Crimson 71.131.189.202 |
27-Jan-06/5:53 PM |
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Nice. Consider putting "I am in love with my best friend's daughter" at the beginning, instead of the end. That grabs the reader's attention, and then the rest would make more sense.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 71.103.98.44 |
27-Jan-06/9:57 PM |
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YOUR POEMS SUCK REALLY BAD!!!!
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| Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus |
Glasseyez 204.49.132.46 |
28-Jan-06/1:16 AM |
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Why man this movie was awesome, how do you compare Alice in Wonderland where she was in a fantastical world full of wonderous things, to a sick wet dream straight out of the mind of Ted Bundy? I will give you a six though because I like your udder morbidness...Its refreshing
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| Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus |
MacFrantic 172.141.224.222 |
28-Jan-06/2:07 AM |
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| Re: How small, this sleeping tiger by ecargo |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:15 AM |
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| Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:23 AM |
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Another good idea from you, Master C - I do like DoubleU's suggestion, maybe make Alice be the cause of the other characters' fall from grace? Although having said that, the poem (as it is) gives a really nasty feeling of Alice's confusion, but I think that it's potential at the moment. With time it'll realise that potential. 7 for now, I will have another look at this later.
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| Re: Our Marriage by amanda_dcosta |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:27 AM |
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I'm not convinced by the last section...the poem's more compelling when you're telling me your experience rather than overtly trying to convince me. Still worth a 7, I shall remember to check any edits of this piece.
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| Re: Him. by Sway |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:32 AM |
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Having read "You." before this one I thought they'd be parts of the same story...am I missing something obvious? Very angsty but a lot better done than most.
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| Re: Oblivion by Sway |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:35 AM |
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Not bad, unoriginal though. You've evidently got the imagination to better this.
Hint of the day: rhyming 'love' with 'above' (or 'dove') wil turn a lot of people off straight away.
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| Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:45 AM |
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Awesome stuff, I don't care if no vagrant owns a Labrador, to him I expect it was one. Wonderful poem.
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| Re: Tree of Life by ALChemy |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:48 AM |
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It makes me wish I'd seen such a scene in my life.
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| Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/4:54 AM |
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Demon opener! Didn't get the last clause, but I'm a bit slow at the moment. The rest is a grand take on human failings.
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| Re: The Heart of a Man by Queen of Tease |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/5:04 AM |
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Errm, is this meant to be serious? Not a bad poem, but I can't tell if you're having a laugh or not...
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| Re: After Fighting (More Blood Edit) by zodiac |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/5:10 AM |
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There's an anger that this doesn't quite release in its current form. I'd have liked to have seen it as prose, but I shall have to content myself with being sonneted about the face and neck. Vicious, nearly violent.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
28-Jan-06/5:14 AM |
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