ciantu
on some deleted poem
27 Jan 2006, 4:57 PM
lol true
I always wondered what happed to the other sister
How true! Geishas DO live in India!
It makes me wish I'd seen such a scene in my life.
Why man this movie was awesome, how do you compare Alice in Wonderland where she was in a fantastical world full of wonderous things, to a sick wet dream straight out of the mind of Ted Bundy? I will give you a six though because I like your udder morbidness...Its refreshing
I enjoyed the idea *7*
Yes, I like this.
Thinking about the Bible, and Michael Dâs flight to skid row or someplace, and your wonderment about Bukowskiâs stint there, and alchemy's great summary of Michael D's brief stay, where else is anything both as succinct and as early as this:
âThe race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.â
Ecc. 9:11 NIV
God>Solomon>Bukowski>god'swife
Awesome stuff, I don't care if no vagrant owns a Labrador, to him I expect it was one. Wonderful poem.
Demon opener! Didn't get the last clause, but I'm a bit slow at the moment. The rest is a grand take on human failings.
Errm, is this meant to be serious? Not a bad poem, but I can't tell if you're having a laugh or not...
There's an anger that this doesn't quite release in its current form. I'd have liked to have seen it as prose, but I shall have to content myself with being sonneted about the face and neck. Vicious, nearly violent.
Nice, very nice.
The meter is not so steady in this that you need devices like "ne'er" to maintain it. And why "learnt" not learned? The cross/toss rhyme seems unnecessary where rhyming is not the pattern. Likewise "'morrow." These poeticizing attempts only detract from you free style which has its own kind of poetry.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Jan 2006, 9:57 PM
YOUR POEMS SUCK REALLY BAD!!!!
Nice. Consider putting "I am in love with my best friend's daughter" at the beginning, instead of the end. That grabs the reader's attention, and then the rest would make more sense.
Another good idea from you, Master C - I do like DoubleU's suggestion, maybe make Alice be the cause of the other characters' fall from grace? Although having said that, the poem (as it is) gives a really nasty feeling of Alice's confusion, but I think that it's potential at the moment. With time it'll realise that potential. 7 for now, I will have another look at this later.
I'm not convinced by the last section...the poem's more compelling when you're telling me your experience rather than overtly trying to convince me. Still worth a 7, I shall remember to check any edits of this piece.