regarding some deleted poem...	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	21-Feb-06/1:35 PM
When snow can drive away the coldness and leave a heart in warmth ~ that is a lovely message. Enjoyed this (and I learned today about that little red "x" too!)
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	nentwined 68.232.253.122	21-Feb-06/2:28 PM
Dude. You're alive! I've been wondering what became of you. :) I'm glad you found your way back here. Now why is your email bouncing? I think you picked a beautiful subject for the form--it really pounds it in. The flow is more awkward than I think it needs to be, and yeah--the spelling issues as noted.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Feb-06/2:29 PM
The real INTRANSIT has gone missing ever since he got spoofed by The Fraud. Somehow, I don't think you are spoofing him too. Still, a lumbering truck makes me wonder. "Tin drums" for tires?? Repetition of the radio line seems right, given the humdrum of long driving. Maybe that's what you mean by tin drums, but it's a long shot.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/2:55 PM
Yes I know it's spelled "Deserts" but that was supposed to be a play on words although a very naive one I will admit.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/3:03 PM
Although many of the metaphors and images have been done before in poetry your arrangement is so nice that it comes across as something very fresh. Nice job.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:07 PM
"who's" should be "whose". "that" in the first sentence should at least be "where" or "in which" for the sentence to be grammatical. "deniles" is a cheesy play on words and doesn't add meaning. I'm having some trouble getting the second verse. What's earned might not be rewarded? I'd have expected what's paid to be rewarded; what's earned is its own reward. "thier" in last stanza = "their". Nice. There's a couple of nice meanings in this.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:12 PM
Try thinking of an actual event and describing it completely. And if you're going to self-vote, why not give yourself a 10? You deserve it!
Re: Pretty Little Dead Thing by JAM	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:14 PM
If you must rhyme, consider rhyming words that no sensible person would try to rhyme, but in a way that seems obvious after the fact.
Re: Watercolor Fairy by Scarlett	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:17 PM
Try to avoid reversing normal word order, like in "blessings she bequeaths". And easy way to do that - to, say, get "bequeaths" at the end of the line instead of blessings - is to enjamb. Try: Around the painting, she bequeaths blessings, plots colors, running free By splashes of rain droplets from her eyes Hues battle for territory
Re: Eden to Galillee (by Caducus) by Mona Lisa	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:20 PM
Looks like Caducus to me.
Re: lost souls by aamir_trichy	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:22 PM
Not bad, but you should know most poetry written in English is not like this.
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:24 PM
I don't understand any of the lines that rhyme with "sight".
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:25 PM
The second stanza's good, minus Minerva.
Re: During the Grace by jahnotis	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:34 PM
To be grammatical, "neither" would have to come before "suffered", not before "lights". Alternately, you can say (somewhat archaicly) "neither did the lights suffer, nor did they shine..." (note the tense.) "tarry" should be "tarried". Or the whole thing should be in present tense, one or the other. "realized" in the sense you've got it means, like, "I realized my dreams". That is, "my dreams came into being". I think you mean "recognized the thorn's approach." And you ought to drop "vulnerably" from the next line, since flanks being open MEANS something's vulnerable; and again, "remain" should be past tense. Third stanza: Again, try to keep the tense consistent. By the third and fourth stanzas, the "nor did they shine" lines seem more for rhyme than making sense. That said, the last stanza's the best, although I think, politically speaking, this poem is tripe.
Re: The chestnut by richa	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:35 PM
Better.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	21-Feb-06/3:49 PM
drnick seems to be getting quite a few tributes lately! And well deserved, I might add.
Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	Ranger 62.252.32.15	21-Feb-06/3:51 PM
This is fantastic.
Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/3:52 PM
Aside from the last line this is a great representation of cubism with a cute parody title. The final lines threw me off though, they don't seem to go with the scattered multi angle picture you've created.
Re: The chestnut by richa	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/4:04 PM
Efficient and effective.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	drnick 24.176.22.254	21-Feb-06/5:58 PM
There are some small errors in this one, but I like it all the same. I like the way you've worded what you're trying to get across...it's like you've taken the direct meaning and turned your head so it's just barely in your peripheral vision. It's also something I need to work on. It's strange that I agree with what you're saying and everything, but yet find it difficult to be content. Then again, it wouldn't exactly be good to be completely content either as one would have no ambition to achieve anything greater than what they have. Perhaps the best idea is to continue to persue one's dreams while never losing appreciation for what one already has. Maybe I can rewrite my old one with that theme in mind. Thanks for putting this up here for me, that was very kind of you.