Re: Blackbird & the Everlasting Dream by Ranger	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:08 AM
I too thought sonnet could be in the bag here too
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:11 AM
You do have a way with words making them like a portal to the scenes you paint so well - in particular i love this line fingering trees flicking my antennae. Always something you do which adds beef to my own creative juices :-)
Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:12 AM
killer cool and the last line is top banana
Re: A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/7:15 AM
read the line and see if the rythm flows better, for you. (added 'the' and broke the format up to, uhmmmm... make it pause for effect. changed 'lifting' to 'lifted'...just some thoughts...feel free to reject them all:) setting diamonds in the band with ruby glinting to its right (nestled..?) .............. Unlike most who gaze at stars He stared not through the rosehip mist But instead spent one night Standing Atlas, dreaming of a burden lifted ........ A cockerel early risen, tense Brings the news that night has gone And once again It cries _________(needs 2 syllable word) The astronomer dies at dawn. ?...this gives the idea...listen to the RYTHM.. A cockerel early risen, tense Brings the news that night has gone And once again It cries, henceforth (better at 4 syllables total!) The astronomer dies at dawn. (dropping a syllable keeps you from having to rush the ending by forcing the syllables in. You could use any number of words at 'it cries'> henceforth,the edict,an edict, bemoans, mourning, in mourning,warning, in warning, to warn,its warning, its notice, in decree...etc. okay...that said...I'm glad if you can garner something from reading my stuff, but also realize everyone has to find there own internal rythm; and every piece has its own inner beat and melody.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/7:32 AM
hmmmm....you say you don't get my poem...(I feel guilty scoring this...did you really want us to?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 67.72.98.99	2-Mar-06/7:33 AM
Punctuation is inconsistently confusing. I think, "All my children . . ." is the song the girl sings, but that's a guess without punctuation, which you have told me you wish to use, with a period after "black." Anyone who has ridden a train at night through the country will get this kind of feeling, and will therefore relate to your poem. That, for me, is what makes poems good.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/7:50 AM
'Seeing only each other' or something else, might have tied this together better, here. This conjures up an eery dreamlike picture in my mind...unique, strange and facinating at the same time.(? with a European, old world flavour to it, I think.) Being big on rythm and flow, I found it lacking in that respect. It's found in places, but not enough. It seems to come together better at "the quiet girl..." & onward. (great line, btw!) I can imagine people saying the first two lines are cliche' or unoriginal, not a good way to start off. The ending is awesome! (last two lines)
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/7:52 AM
It flows more like a wagon train then anything else. Some neat lines although I hardly think this is a train of thought poem so you've kinda gypped us.
Re: Under the Spoon by MacFrantic	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/8:01 AM
I can't take this seriously; you rhyme, then don't, then do so badly, then rhyme at the end of lines, then half way into lines and rhyme at the end of them. The cadence goes all over the place, changing at random. ...later, ..later, and Alligator ending was a groan AND an eye roll.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/8:05 AM
Titties.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/8:31 AM
3===>---<splat!
Re: Under the Spoon by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/9:22 AM
Good fun, this poem. In keeping with recent trends here, 'Alligator' should be changed to 'masturbator'. Seriously, it would work.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/9:28 AM
I reckon this would work fantastically if a) 'fantastically' is a word, and b) you linked 'Can only see each other/Strangers' with 'It wasn't a journey of love'. I know I have an advantage reading this, but that was sort of on my mind all along.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.70	2-Mar-06/10:39 AM
A new movement in philosophy, called Experimental Philosophy or x-phi, seeks to test so-called fundamental intuitions (ie, "common sense") against real people's intuitions. That is, to remove philosophy from its remove from the real world. For example, it's commonly held that moral responsibility requires free will. If you're forced to kill someone against your will, it's not your fault, right? X-phi researchers decided to test that against real data. They presented the following scenario to two groups: Bill and his wife are flying home from vacation with their friend Frank, who is having an affair with Bill's wife. Bill knows about this. Kidnappers inject Bill with a drug that forces him to obey orders, then tell him to shoot Frank in the head. He does. The first group is told that Bill has long wanted Frank dead, on account of the affair, and grieves very little. The second group is told that Bill hates what he's done. According to traditional philosophy, Bill is not responsible for Frank's death; but in the x-phi study, the first group said that Bill DID deserve the blame for the killing; the second group said he didn't. In another example, UNC-CH students were asked the following questions: If a businessman interested only in profits knowingly harms the environment, should we say he did so intentionally? What if he knowingly HELPS the environment? The students said yes to the first question, no to the second. In another example having to do with intentionality, a man tries to shoot his aunt, misfires, but somehow gets lucky and hits her anyway. Most people say he killed her intentionally, even though he didn't really have the skill to. It's enough that he wanted to. The argument against x-phi is that respondents may be deciding based on the language of the questions, rather than the philosophical principles involved. For example, here's a psychology experiment you can try yourself. 1. Imagine that the US is preparing for the outbreak of an unusual Asian disease, which is expected to kill 600 people. Two alternative programs to combat the disease have been proposed. Assume that the exact scientific estimates of the consequences of the programs are as follows: - If Program A is adopted, 200 people will be saved. - If Program B is adopted, there is 1/3 probability that 600 people will be saved, and 2/3 probability that no people will be saved. Which of the two programs would you favor? 2. In the same Asian-disease scenario as the previous question's, two different programs are proposed: - If Program C is adopted 400 people will die. - If Program D is adopted there is 1/3 probability that nobody will die, and 2/3 probability that 600 people will die. Which of THESE two programs would you favor?
Re: Together They Fell (Prose) by Fayt	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/11:46 AM
Ah dear, I am trying to write something but can't get even a single line on the page. Therefore I shall return to this as I promised. You might want to put an introductory line before the diary entry; when I read it I thought at first that you were 'being philosophical' by defining the central theme of the story; sometimes that trick works, but it didn't do it for me in this (and then I realised that it was a diary entry). Stylistically, you would do well to think how you're structuring each section. For a long time you create passages which are simple 'She did this, then she did this, then she did this...' with a little descriptive elaboration thrown in. It would read better if you were to change the sentence layout and give more description. For instance, 'The sun was shining as 'X' stood up. He blinked and turned around' is more interesting than ''X' stood up, then he turned round'. This also means that you don't start each sentence with 'she' or 'he'. It's quite tricky to explain what I mean, if you want I can send you an example sometime to better illustrate my point. Throw in some metaphor along the way, too. You don't have to make it directly relevant to the actions of the people - you can merely include extra things, such as something they pass in the street, which has symbolic relevance. Simile is another good technique to get used to. In this story you should liken the bridge to something - don't just tell me what it is, tell me what it looks like, what the traffic sounds like etc. etc. etc. I've already mentioned about the phone conversation; dialogue is tricky to master, particularly telephone dialogue which limits the amount of body language you can talk about. If you do decide to keep this, my suggestion is that you add embellishment to it. For instance rather than saying simply '"xxxxx" "xxxxx" "xxxx"', say '"xxxx," he cried..."xxxxxx," he said, sullenly...he exclaimed "xxxx!"', and so on. You get the picture. I'll wrap it up here for now - with prose it makes more sense to edit a little at a time and note the improvements; not only that but if Internet Exploder screws up and loses this comment I'm going to scream! Anyway, keep going with this. It might sound like I'm suggesting you get rid of half the content, but it's not like that at all, there is plenty here that I'd keep, and more still that I'd keep, but with a little editing. Till next time!
Re: Under the Spoon by MacFrantic	Dovina 69.175.32.104	2-Mar-06/3:37 PM
I like it, except for the Alligator. It's light, humorous, and humerus. (Hey, you can have that free.) Smooth up the flow a bit and go.
Re: isomers by skaskowski	Dovina 69.175.32.104	2-Mar-06/3:59 PM
The last verse is a heart-felt prayer of metaphoric rockheadedness, offered in contrition and deep appreciation for a Creator of stones and brains in parallel. The others commenting here should be ashamed of themselves for missing it.
Re: Wondering by Bobjim	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.7	2-Mar-06/11:25 PM
Makes you wonder doesn't it.
Re: Wet Paint (A Blond Point of View) by Miggy	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	3-Mar-06/6:40 AM
some grammar problems: 'mistakes in the past was' (were) I'm not so sure that I would care for this, in song format.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	3-Mar-06/7:17 AM
ALRIGHT! Awesome and original...(clap, clap)Very good! I would love to hear this read!