Salute!

This is actually good.. 10!!

You should stick to ripping off real artists.

spitfire Mexican hellcat polka- Right on. Lays/Lies, let it slide. beaterrific

panaderia is better. but while you're getting nutty about laid, why not leid.

Great fun to read, but I'm not yet switched on enough to the message. Night shifts do that to you... Keep 'em coming!

M6 bowel? Enlighten me. And spon with spon ? Not comfortable with that. The rest is lovely... and a good, lively description.

Hmmm... not bad. has a bit of a humor tone to it. As for a limmerick format, sorry I can't comment on that. I'm a stranger to limmerick forms and rules. Keep writing.

Okay either 'unkown' is spelled wrong and is suppose to be 'unknown', or it is a word I never heard of before. The poem itself wasn't poor but wasn't great either, should include maybe more on the idea...I have to give you a 6

So close to conjuring up great imagery - I can actually picture the setting, but it's almost entirely down to my imagination and associations of woods and nymphs. This is the sort of piece which requires a bit more on the author's behalf; give us some more scenery. What's there is good, but I'm greedy. I want more.

nice

Hmm, failed chat-up line followed up by an icy stare, this is brief and effective. Did you ever read drnick's 'Buried in the Booth'? Pretty much the polar opposite of this. I'd be tempted to put another line after 'her gaze asphyxiates', probably one to keep the rhyme more solid there. Maybe just 'unfazed', or something like that. Otherwise, very cool.

'lays' (line 18) should be 'lies', I think. I'm very tired right now so I might be wrong. I like this although 3am seemed wrong - either you've stepped back in time or you guys start seriously early. 7am would have worked better, to me at least. Cool last line.

I hesitate to attempt a critique of this in case the story is genuinely true. I don't want to hurt feelings or seem offensive here. The emotions are conveyed in this and the tale itself is tragic, but as far as the poetic side goes, it needs work. There are a couple of typos to iron out, and some of the rhymes are a bit overused and unoriginal (and stanza 1 in particular feels very forced). I'd like to see more description - tell me who he was, make me visualise him, visualise you as well. The end of stanza 2 and start of stanza 3 are good, this has plenty of promise but needs refining. I do hope this isn't a true story though.

this one very well written... nice feeling after reading it too..10

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. -from Richard Hall's Sniglets: Words that don't appear in the dictionary, but should.

The second stanza is jolting because, as Dovina said, it doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. Lose the last stanza, it's not needed. Being vague sometimes can make your poem more applicable to other peoples situations and thus more easy for them to identify with it. The thought of the last line in the poem is already in the readers head before they actually see it. So if you take away the last line the sentiment will still be there without you having to actually say it. One of the best things about poetry is when somrthing is said without actually being said.

Holy shit, Ranger. Most excellent. Hate to nitpick this one at all, because I think it's really good--some really terrific lines and good rhymes and half rhymes throughout--a truly nice tribute. I really enjoyed it.

It lacks an authentic or vivid setting and tries to compensate for that shortcoming by using empty words. Consider a quick poem: The day I lay me down to sleep Never again to wake I hope to see no loved ones weep With heavy hearts that break For I will be in heaven’s land And sit with God above A servant at His hand Receiving all His love There’s nothing wrong with my idea. I want to comfort loved ones so they do not grieve, but rather celebrate. But my poem lacks vision – what heaven might look like, for example, or how a soul feels there. There is no real setting given other than symbolic words.

nice...