Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	lmp 141.154.134.3	19-Apr-06/4:12 PM
this is so great.... question about line 8: "The flash of early column light"... would this be a little clearer as "The early flash of columnar light"? as in the column of light flashed too early, or it happens early, and beware the flash in general? still amazing, and i know you want to refine it more to carry more meanings... bravo, encore.
Re: A Bronze Mule by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Apr-06/4:50 PM
I love this. I have no idea what it means but I love it.
Re: The Waiting Room by Sunny	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/5:03 PM
I like the ambiguous ending. I think such an ending deserves tightness throughout. That would make it stronger, I think. "These depictions are levitating inside my peripherals" could "depictions levitate." "I recognize this room as a waiting room." -> "a waiting room." concrete certainties are the same as just "certainties." etc.
Re: grim task by lmp	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/5:10 PM
Verses 1 and 2 are good. Verse 3 is awkward. The repeated line, "he collects himself and his meager pay" seems bland for a "grim task."
Re: grim task by lmp	Ranger 86.137.108.141	20-Apr-06/2:04 AM
Nicely written! I'm of the opinion that poems with complex structures require a careful reading, so I shall make a more detailed comment later today when a) I'm more awake and b) I've thought about this more. In the meantime, here are a couple of minor suggestions: 'he cares to say' would bolster the rhythm a little (in my reading, anyway). 'He does awake...' would work better reworded without the 'does'. It brings nothing grammatically. 'he awakes and *insert passage here* to pray', maybe? And a couple more adjectives would have looked good to me. Good, strong rhyme scheme here. I will return later, hopefully with more to say. In the meantime, here is an 8
Re: The Way of Monsters by MacFrantic	Ranger 86.137.108.141	20-Apr-06/2:12 AM
Some awesome lines - 'quips installing', 'Burning smoke for curls concerning', 'Dismay has clasped a frozen fist' (my favourite of the lot), 'Come now hell or come high fire (not far behind). I assume this is about Vikings invading? If so, 'gears' didn't quite fit. Last line of stanza one was good, and was what first made me think of Vikings - then the drink and the fever. In stanza one I felt that the non-rhmying lines were too slow for the quick, rhymed triplets. And I would have preferred for stanza 2 to follow the same scheme, but I'm not complaining too much.
Re: Tea and Battenburg by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.191	20-Apr-06/7:44 AM
a draft at present.
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	20-Apr-06/12:45 PM
The first stanza had my attention and visuals in a swirl, but the ending wasn't as bold as I was looking forward to.
Re: a dream by lmp	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	20-Apr-06/12:56 PM
Delightful read ~ something that belongs in a children's book.
Re: Morning City by Jack Diamond	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	20-Apr-06/12:59 PM
The staccato in the beginning is fitting for the sounds you describe. It gives the reader the irritation of disruptive patterns, perfect for the setting of this. Enjoyed.
Re: A Country Anecdote by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	20-Apr-06/1:46 PM
poignant. line 19 seems a tad too long, had to read it a few times and stick the "our feet" on the next line. i know it is an unnatural break in th line, but line 20 is a little short too, so i guess it helps. other than reworking both lines....
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	lmp 141.154.134.3	20-Apr-06/2:02 PM
interesting and nicely written. i get the impression that the meaning is that you are expecting (spiritual? intellectual?) growth from having read the writings within the mulberry binder? talk about food for thought! all in all, very nice. please do write more...
Re: Watercolor Fairy by Scarlett	lmp 141.154.134.3	20-Apr-06/2:11 PM
like this on a lot. then again, i have done a bit of watercolor and acryllic painting, so i guess i can feel the flow. nice use of color choices and fanciful imagery. you captured the little sprite at work quite nicely.
Re: Im different so what? by xblackstarsx	annadoc 161.7.2.160	20-Apr-06/5:36 PM
looks like typos intentional. Childish (meant to be?) I'll stop "now" - instead of no?
Re: The Way of Monsters by MacFrantic	patty t 70.30.214.253	21-Apr-06/4:51 AM
'concupiscent'? ack, Latinate words are never evocative, stultifying instead. throws water on your fire . same for installing, concerning, intention etc
Re: Sun's color by annadoc	Dovina 70.38.78.229	21-Apr-06/3:45 PM
I like the dancing lilt of this. "prisms of color and light" could lose the "light." And "prisms" may not be right here. Prisms bend the white sunlight (refract it) and show off its colors. But that's the techie answer, yours is the poetic one. And the title seems wrong; is it really the sun's color that this is about or is it interaction with the sun?
Re: Tea and Battenburg by Caducus	Dovina 70.38.78.229	21-Apr-06/3:54 PM
I think I would have to know Battenburg and Stephen Forrester to appreciate this. Still, the first three verses are clear enough.
regarding some deleted poem...	skaskowski 70.225.168.60	22-Apr-06/5:49 AM
this isnt finished yet, i just needed to save it
Re: SMS by daniella	impert&ent 80.193.198.197	23-Apr-06/3:41 PM
That's just what I was thinking.
Re: I Sleep by Sunny	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Apr-06/2:10 PM
Good poem, but... This is getting silly. The seven most recent poems all have no comments on. There are thirteen votes among the twenty most recent poems. I might even delete this comment if it means that we get a 20-most-recent-full with no comments whatsoever. Surely it's not that difficult to realise that if someone wants to get feedback they're going to have to give some? After all, it's been said more than enough times. You get what you give, and all that jazz. If you're not prepared to give votes and/or comments, what's the point in submitting poems? No attention will be paid to them, until the whole thing becomes redundant. It's a real shame, because a lot of the good poets have left poemranker, and they are the ones who a lot can be learnt from - and the majority of those who do remain have no reason to comment on poems by people who don't participate themselves. If anything, commenting on other peoples' works makes you better as a poet: you learn to give appropriate readings to poetry and you pick up tricks from other poets. But first you have to apply a little time and effort to reading through poems and putting your thoughts down in print. And if you think that you already know enough about poetry to not have to waste valuable time this way, well that's fair enough...so why are you posting it on the internet rather than getting it published? Sorry, Sunny, if this seems like I'm ranting at you - this is a general whinge. I should put it on the Suggestions board but a) wilco got there first, and b) the people who bother to check the suggestions tend not to be the ones at whom this is directed. Is there really that good a reason why it's not possible for people posting to spend a little while giving feedback on the twenty recent entries?