Re: Meditation on the Future by MacFrantic	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Apr-06/12:51 AM
You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers. You can't dash away? Who really dashes, in real life i mean, who dashes? You corny idiot.
Re: Deja Vu by sliver	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Apr-06/12:53 AM
You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers. You are vague. Your poem is vague. Your life is one vague boring monotone.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Apr-06/12:54 AM
You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers.
Re: FISH by annadoc	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Apr-06/12:55 AM
You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers. You write like an epiletic having a fit.
Re: To Err With Doves by MacFrantic	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Apr-06/1:00 AM
You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers. To mindlessly shit with the doves you mean.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 71.103.98.44	28-Apr-06/1:02 AM
You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sunny 66.69.36.222	28-Apr-06/1:51 AM
"Please don't feel intimidated by me./ It is the faith that true love can overcome anything./ And yes I love love love telling stories./ It's very humbling for me when I can communicate intimately with another human being..." Being the "fucking loser" I am, I was too curious about God's wife's work not to research your writing standards as well. A few comical quotes from you above. First off, deflate your head, I see no Plath or Dickenson inbetween these words, much less that of Shakespeare. You speak of love as if you have an abundance of it, yet you are so bitter at the same time...and "telling stories" - I can just imagine you with a room full of eight year olds, heaven help them, no pun intended :) Lastly you speak of intimately communicating with others, uhh, then what was that writer's fit you slashed out at a couple of poems I have written...I don't give a rat's ass how old you are, you still have a lot to learn both in poetry & what seems like in life as well. By the way I did enjoy your poem, coming from an writer in obvious "real pain" because you have obsession issues. And THAT is my feedback.. Always, Sunny
Re: To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	Caducus 80.168.173.160	28-Apr-06/2:00 AM
Sweet and good natured but no means your best. Ps the remark from gods wife has been made on almost a dozen poems so take no notice.
Re: First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina	Caducus 80.168.173.160	28-Apr-06/2:03 AM
so perceptive and novel in description, adore line 3 for it made me visualize from there on. last line s2 how about - dying to foam gasps. Lots of potential it reads like a labour of love.
Re: Fraser's Wedding by Stephen Robins	Caducus 80.168.173.160	28-Apr-06/2:08 AM
4th stanza was nearly a coffee spitting experience from cracking up. For using fisticuffs i have to rob the queens sword and wipe it on your lapelle. Fuckin hoot, and the best man with a bouquet is something i want to forget but is like a friggin pussycat dolls chorus and haunts me to a rage. Great poem for that friday feeling. typo line 8 - not that you probably care.
regarding some deleted poem...	Enkidu 172.185.161.148	28-Apr-06/10:03 AM
Well that was horribly annoying. But since everybody got one I feel special now. Oh, once you settle down a little, copy/paste was definitely the way to go in poem insults.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Apr-06/10:49 AM
I once loved a man more than he hated himself. He couldn't forgive me either. I was the trespasser. Of course, this is written in past tense; such things can't go on.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/11:54 AM
'Hush I told her' is presumably meant to be 'Hush', I told her...don't mean to be picky but I think it was what was bugging me when I read this earlier. No other problems to my eye, although the 'she loves me more than I hate myself' bit could perhaps be expanded on just a little for effect. Not too much though, otherwise the rest will lose a little of its impact. 'Scarlet barricades' is very good, as is the end of stanza 1.
Re: Portrait Paradelle by Enkidu	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/12:02 PM
Quite frankly this is astonishing. I haven't come across paradelles before, and although I now want to write one, to emulate this is a hugely intimidating task. This would be a solid ten but for two points: 1) the end of stanza three is slightly off and 2) 'light what grows' isn't right. If those could be fixed I would gladly give this a ten. Let this not detract, however, from a magnificent effort.
Re: Cry by Sunny	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/12:17 PM
Not bad at all, although there are a few things I would change. I dislike 'dollop' and 'splat' at the best of times; more so in poetry - I find them a little, well, unpoetic. They don't seem at all emotive to me, and there are more effective words for onomatopoeic purposes. The other criticism I have with this is the repetition of 'knot' and semi-repetition of 'bone/boney'. Again this is personal preference; I write with as few repetitions as possible because Ifind it more of a challenge that way, both to write and read. I also have a question (instead of diving straight in with criticism) about the penultimate line. 'Song waves' is confusing. It could be song waves (as in sound waves, in which case I'd hyphenate it to show it's a compound noun). Alternatively you're talking about the mourning waving upwards ('The mourning that bellows from my lips...waves upward'). If so, it needs some punctuation after 'song'. That's it for crits, now for what I liked. 'Knot under my chest bone...' and then 'mouth still open from the appearance' work well, as does 'shuttering shoulders' (and the rest of that passage). Overall, enjoyable.
Re: Meditation on the Future by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/12:25 PM
Not deserving of a zero. This is actually a really good read, and has some choice passages - and you can dash, although I would remind you that 'a gentleman will walk but never run'. I don't want to try critiquing this at all as I like the whole thing, in particular the middle of stanza one and all of stanzas three and four. The only suggestion I'd make is that the autumn/winter of life aspect isn't as original as the rest.
Re: Through Poetry by newdawnfades	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/1:30 PM
Stanza two is good, however I didn't really find the piece as a whole stayed true to the title. Well no, I did...just not what I wanted from the title. That doesn't make sense. What I mean to say is that whereas this is a nicely-written piece, I disagree with the message. Poetry needs certain chains to turn it from train-of-thought gibberish into genuine beauty. As does all art. However, I do like it as a gentle read.
Re: Matthew's Bastard by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/2:13 PM
Well controlled anger, and an all-round good read.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sunny 65.118.48.2	28-Apr-06/2:39 PM
I'm personally not a fan of the "love ballads" per say, but this has a lot of potential. I thought there was one major distraction from theme in this poem: the entire second stanza...it was like you sliced this story teller in half by thinking aloud for a moment & then went back to the page you left off on. Can't PERSONALLY see how this could be intentional?? I couldn't find one line break that didn't flow smoothly though, & I was very keen on your shortened lines. I have to say before I shut up, that I didn't like the closing "...cotton whispers" line - bring out the cheese :) Just joking with you, but I still think the last line is a bit goofy. Thanks for the read Cadacus! ~Sunny
Re: A sponatious free write by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Sunny 65.118.48.2	28-Apr-06/3:12 PM
OK, I liked this one until the last couple of stanzas where somehow I was taken into your mind's eye of life's time-toll into one particular instance of death...you the original main character, became lost into a guy in a gun fight...& as far as the last stanza, I couldn't tell if you were still talking about the above stanzas gunned-down death or another fighting instance. I get what you are trying to emphasize here, but the theme is still broken & lost in my opinion. Other than this major unclarity, I really did like your overall style :) Good, clean line breaks with a lot of action going on, kudos to you on that. ~Sunny