regarding some deleted poem...	nypoet22 65.8.70.95	28-Jun-07/1:03 AM
i kind-of like the internal rhyme and the blunt insight of the last two lines. the first line is grammatically a bit strange.
regarding some deleted poem...	nypoet22 65.8.70.95	28-Jun-07/1:06 AM
first two lines are superb. last breath is a bit cliche. excellent overall effort.
regarding some deleted poem...	lexxie100 72.64.228.124	28-Jun-07/11:43 AM
well that's obvious.
Re: Q For Some Reason by MacFrantic	lexxie100 72.64.228.124	28-Jun-07/11:56 AM
could be the story of a teenagers life these days. thoughtful.
Re: China, Silver, and an Emerald Lipstick by Enkidu	lexxie100 72.64.228.124	28-Jun-07/11:57 AM
it's sad that it's so true. well written though.
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	28-Jun-07/12:10 PM
Seems like a very dark thought you're having. Well written and haunting. Reminds me of Rodin's sculptures.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 64.140.228.30	28-Jun-07/1:31 PM
You're getting pretty good at these. I see a dual meaning with the word "patient." Intended?
regarding some deleted poem...	lmp 141.154.134.3	28-Jun-07/2:43 PM
young are innocent middle aged commit the sins elders pay penance
regarding some deleted poem...	lmp 141.154.134.3	28-Jun-07/2:44 PM
bravo. and i do like the double meaning that Paul pointed out.
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.129.165	28-Jun-07/4:12 PM
there is such a dreadful certainty here - I like that
Re: Proposterosity by lexxie100	Skamper 202.6.129.165	28-Jun-07/4:17 PM
you could cut this a bit - drop some of the filler words, tighten it up. Not sure where you are going with it - abuse is the only real image I can get...
Re: The Riddle by lexxie100	Skamper 202.6.129.165	28-Jun-07/4:22 PM
If there is a riddle here - I can't get it...Hidden messages in poems work the best when not even hinted at...I find the flow a bit messy too...but you got me curious???
Re: Teddy Bear by lexxie100	Skamper 202.6.129.165	28-Jun-07/4:26 PM
go do what ALChemy said - you can tell a story, but force it unnaturally into rhyme. Try free versing this - I bet it will surprise you
Re: Anthony by lexxie100	Skamper 202.6.129.165	28-Jun-07/4:31 PM
where is the unusual? What is it that defines this couple and their lives as being unusual? The story is not so different to everyone's apart from the fact that it's happening to them -
Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	Prince of Void 80.71.127.195	29-Jun-07/7:42 AM
win,win we die in this victory what we lost in this misery the happiness we lose or win only lose,lose we fall in this failure that we could understand better some lose ,some win so what's american dream ?
Re: a dream by lmp	lexxie100 72.64.228.124	29-Jun-07/10:26 AM
i enjoy reading it, it definately has a happy feeing to it.
Re: To My Little Known Love by MacFrantic	lexxie100 72.64.228.124	29-Jun-07/10:29 AM
it seems slightly repetitave, and overall sad, but it's something that a lot of people can relate to.
regarding some deleted poem...	lexxie100 72.64.228.124	29-Jun-07/10:35 AM
slightly morbid. but good.
Re: The Riddle by lexxie100	lmp 141.154.134.3	29-Jun-07/11:20 AM
sobriety anniversary, perhaps, but i do not think so. maybe a bout of mental illness, but minor, like seasonal defective disorder. or maybe just allergies. anyhow, this could be more subtle in the way it is written and the rhyming is too forced, in my opinion. not all poetry needs to have an even meter and rhyme pattern; simple, effective groupings of words often convey a more powerful/clear message.
Re: The Riddle by lexxie100	Dovina 65.171.117.171	29-Jun-07/3:01 PM
It's so hard to be clear; why would anyone try to be unclear.