regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 62.121.23.56	27-Jun-07/4:07 AM
Well, you've proved that you can both think and write like a functioning human. I really rather like this and I think the 'grey on grey' is very accurate. Look, I've even given you a 7 becuase, unlike you, I don't operate some crazy binary system of voting and because I don't automatically assume people's work to be either utterly worthless or works of outstanding genius. This is good stuff.
regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 62.121.23.56	27-Jun-07/4:13 AM
A few typos here - first line. 5th line of 3rd stanza. Atmospheric though with a nice link from the present to the past to the future - a good concertina-ing effect. Have read 'Adlestrop' by Edward Thomas?
Re: Immigrant by Christof	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	27-Jun-07/5:44 AM
HAHAHAHAHA! CHRISTOF! OUTSTANDING! Good to see you again !!
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	27-Jun-07/5:54 AM
Gawd !
Re: (Title pending) by INTRANSIT	Christof 62.121.23.56	27-Jun-07/6:00 AM
Hi - good to see you again! Like this a lot. 'Cochlea' is a strangely anatomical word to use, it makes me feel almost queasy, and I think that's good - shows just how far those women burrow into us, even though we'd like to pretend they don't. A good tension between that and the last stanza. Nice one.
Re: Kittens and Pocket Money by Shuushin	Christof 62.121.23.56	27-Jun-07/6:17 AM
For once I can agree with Rockmage. It's probably what everyone on this site, in fact everyone everywhere, really wants and you have put it beautifully.
Re: A Flower for Monet by Shuushin	Christof 62.121.23.56	27-Jun-07/6:29 AM
I commented before but never voted - here you go. I think end slightly lets it down, too limpid, too unearned, but the piece reads beautifully. Is the 'orange sun' over the Seine in the second stanza a reference to a Monet painting - is that the connection?
Re: My Isolation by clarke1975	Skamper 202.6.132.32	27-Jun-07/4:22 PM
For a lyric in this day and age it fits what else is out there. Not bad, but if you write lyrics often you are going to have to be more creative.
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.132.32	27-Jun-07/4:26 PM
How about - Waiting on the ground -
Re: timebomb by lmp	Skamper 202.6.132.32	27-Jun-07/4:29 PM
quite a twister - I would have thought it's the truth that doesn't hurt until the lies are out there...
Re: (Title pending) by INTRANSIT	Skamper 202.6.132.32	27-Jun-07/4:47 PM
Great! now we have it in writing :)
Re: Ladies by MacFrantic	Skamper 202.6.132.32	27-Jun-07/4:49 PM
Lyrics? Has a sing-song feel to it
Re: Teddy Bear by lexxie100	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/9:02 PM
You're doin' alright kid. Start reading alot of the classics; Emily Dickenson, Shakespeare etc. and then try to write something in their style. Read poetry basics books. Ones that touch on meter, alliterations, metaphor and such. Don't compromise your sentences just to get a rhyme; ie. "But with joy I still swelled". This is an inverted sentence and is usually a literary no-no. Ask yourself "Would I talk like that in real life?" Don't be discouraged by critics. We all start at the bottom.
Re: Immigrant by Christof	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/9:17 PM
Ah, another racist poem. Is there a point to be made at the end of this series? I must admit racist sheep are hilarious. 10 for that.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/9:23 PM
You're not even trying anymore.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/9:27 PM
The title encompasses everything ever imagined about you.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/9:52 PM
Your dad has a mullet? OMFingG!
Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/9:58 PM
So what else is new? Stanza 2 is the best one, very witty.
Re: (Title pending) by INTRANSIT	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/10:17 PM
I do hope you mean metaphorically when you say women stick their tongues in our cochleas otherwise it appears after a little wikipedia research that it would be very painful if they literally licked our cochleas. Maybe you meant Pinna. You could use "Pinnas" and still keep that ever subtle hint of phallicness. The title is awesome although I have no idea what it has to do with the poem.
Re: Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	27-Jun-07/11:05 PM
Ok then let us pull out tomorrow. What's that Alex? You don't know how to get that done? You don't have enough control and power to make that happen? Oh I see Alex, it's my job to fix it. Well you go back to playing X-box and I'll make the world all better for you. Unless you're willing to sit outside the Whitehouse lawn for 3 days and get pepper sprayed and chased by police dogs like your parents or grand parents did then I suggest you stop your whining and hope you vote in a good egg for president next time around.