'oblivion becomes me' is terrible. Some decent parts I think. The urge to write bit, the fades into subtelty, the spastic idiocy. Don't like the misogynism, and you know the response talking about pot gets you.

I like this a lot, but would leave out "runes and" The fern also is bothersome because all ferns do best in north shade and all are burned by frost if one is.

Not bad, a few too many commas and the elipses are not really needed. First verse is pretty good.

so many contradictions.

Howdy y'all ... hypatia , thank u kindly for your sweet comments !!! Shuushin ...whoops , u be correct (its daffodils) sorry! me bad thank u very much ! Zodiac ... thanks for you comments , me likes your direct honesty ... no problem ... (one man's pleasure is another man's poison). In terms of flowers and such , well thats the way my mind invisions a surreal dreams or world .. poetry can be fiction or non- fiction ... its left up to the reader to delve into the mind of poet , writer , a composer of music etc ... and everybody has different tastes ... thats what make the world so beautiful , its complexities ? I would like your insight please ... do you know the crux of the verse and what i'm trying to convey ? AGAIN , am i speaking figuratively or literally in terms of the valley or i know , does it matter ...lol by the way , i could use vale instead of dell or dale , only a matter of semantics ... or course i could use dell and then HELL ! which might be to your liking methinks ... just kidding ! you said the last two lines are a train crash ... again what am i trying to convey or again does it matter ? serious ... thank u kindly for the crit... take care recherche Recha ... not really ... can u explain the verse , what's my inner animus saying if u care or not ... marigolds in a valley ... me seen them , well in my dreams , which in fact are surreal methinks ... am i not a realist when it comes to poetry ... only in the real world ...methinks lol... getting serious thank u so much for stopping by to comment! good or bad crit , I do appreciate it ... take care recherche

Starts like a satire on the Typical American Man or the American Ideal, but then turns to wierdness, yet to be seen. A good start. I like it. I'm not sure that a long story-poem like this will get the attention it deserves on Poemranker, broken into segments as i probably has to be. I'd rather read it all at once. Yes, I think you should post it all in one piece.

Some punctuation would help. I sort of get it.

Capulet is is from Romeo and Juliet I think. How is Sleeping Beauty a statue of apprehension? I wish you hadn't said it was Sleeping Beauty.

Too many big words here. Rare usage words are quite interesting if you rhyme them but it is difficult and inerrant (is that a word)/ transparent does not really work.

Miss out has from the first line, it is just confusing.

Oh yes. That's very good.

Yes, oblivion becomes me is awful, but there are some good parts, especially your tendency toward internal rhyme.

Not utterly thrilling, but then again, you are on a rascol scooter in a high wind.

Crust.

So Z, what is your definition of *statue of apprehension*?

Very necely done! Especially "Gutter Stamen to Skyscraper pistils."

I like this because it's the essence of dating and its inherent uncertainty - "simultaneous joy and fear." "despise and jettison the end" needs help, I think. "in tact" -> intact.

Do you think Detroit is more, or less, evil that L.A.? Other submissions will be accepted, especially if they are Atlanta or Miami.

The first verse sets up a good theme. But it doesn't follow through very well. Some good thoughts in verses 2 and 3, but not well organized

I'm trying to think who would have constructed this tomb. A good picture.