If she really was reading Lawrence, then "assurance" is bow'ls because you only chose it to rhyme with what she happened to be reading. But if she wasn't reading Lawrence, then the whole poeme is UTTERLY MORALLY BANKRUPT.

Mechanically it's not to shabbily done, I'd say. The endrhymes weave without any noticeably intrusion. The meter chugs right along, slightly bumpy toward the end there - but serves to let the reader know the station approaches. I'd try to hack out some of the conjunctions, in particular but carefully since it would affect the good flow. Philosphically, I'm willing to accept it as a character perspective, one that although I personally don't quite relate to it, I can understand. Have an Eight. A few more poetic techniques would notch it up pretty easily, given the success of the mechanics used.

A peerless, saturated jock strap of meaningless rhetoric.

guff, syntax error.

Watch out for Johnny the Greek, He'll bugger up the olymipics, Have a bearded wife, But not care as he prefers sodomy.

Powerful spacing.

i thought this was going to expand into an acrostic spelling out gas station. HEHEHE. I am a bit disappointed. good poem.

Congratulations, you spell nearly as badly as me. Cnut.

bunk

so.....where's the fucking?

I like this a lot. The last 3 lines are good. "soul dark coils of black" is good. Suggestions: your journey will lead you -> your journey leads autumns rut -> autumn rut I’ll think of you faithfully - omit leaving them to ponder the greater probability of their so called life ???

thanks hypatia - will definately consider suggestions.

Ahhhh - sweetly done. THIS is the kind of stuff you do well. You have a gift, my friend - you have a gift.

Wishy-washy fiddle-faddle. Obviously you think the more like portentous dialogue in a fantasy novel a poeme sounds, the better it is.

bueno.

Light and fun. The way it should be.

And the left brain-right brain connection.

I'm sure that -green nut hell- is far worse than any hell I will ever be able to imagine!! Nice one-timer.

These are the kind of poems that make me say: You are beyond this website.