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Unmasking Wyverns (Villanelle) by horus8 Watch me slave at words I could never say
Monsoon shark god furious
The love of my father, she snaked away.
Wind swept waves bled 'til Sunday
It's a shame I am that curious
Watch me slave at words I could never say.
Fierce night howls paved the way
And the way it was deleterious
The love of my father, she snaked away.
Children raced past our well-lit display
An unintentional metamorphosis
Watch me slave at words I could never say.
A crow-haired woman asked, "was I okay?"
Lips crimson and voluptuous
The love of my father, she snaked away.
A god of wind, a shark at play
Your past is not mysterious
Watch me slave at words I could never say
The love of my father, she snaked away.
Up the ladder:
Kept
Down the ladder:
A Short Letter
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2222223
Posted: January 16, 2003 4:31 PM PST; Last modified: January 16, 2003 4:31 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.2222223 Overall Rank: 965 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
I enoyed this, despite not know what a vilanelle was. I will endeavor to find out. Now I just have, it is worth 10 because villanelles are buggeringly difficult to do, and you have done one which surpasses expectations, I imagine.
This is magnificent, sir. Many congratulations to you! I will hereby grant you a nine and stop this strangely pretentious speech of mine etc. etc.
Like the others, I am new to the definition of villanelle. The content is excellent. not sure it's
a perfect villanelle. Contact someone smarter than I. 8
holy damn.that is truly mighty. you do know your kung fu.
Thanks,
Here is the edited version Masking Wyverns Watch me slave at words I could never say Monsoon shark god furious The love of my father, she snaked away Wind swept waves bled 'til Sunday It?s a shame I am that curious Watch me slave at words I could never say Fierce night howls paved the way And the way it was deleterious The love of my father, she snaked away Children raced past our well-lit display An unintentional metamorphosis Watch me slave at words I could never say A raven-haired woman asked, "was I okay?" Lips crimson and voluptuous The love of my father, she snaked away A god of wind, a shark at play Your past is not mysterious Watch me slave at words I could never say The love of my father, she snaked away. because i know how you are about spelling
what an imagination you have
A Vilanelle in the top 15, the only one congrats amigo. Loved the last stanza in particular dance with this fat lady.......8
I don't think that this deserves the driver's seat. sorry id. 0.
You're power is in the seaweed egg-drop. Or perhaps it's the Ahi, broiled just right. Either way you win, straight out, 1st prize, and here we go...
THE GAY BOYS SURE LOVED IT.I BET YOU CAN TATSE THE CREAM.
Here is the edited version
for the New Yorker and they Gay boys, Garret lief Sexton. (the strong change is unmasking and crow) Unmasking Wyverns Watch me slave at words I could never say Monsoon shark god furious The love of my father, she snaked away Wind swept waves bled 'til Sunday It's a shame I am that curious Watch me slave at words I could never say Fierce night howls paved the way And the way it was deleterious The love of my father, she snaked away Children raced past our well-lit display An unintentional metamorphosis Watch me slave at words I could never say A crow-haired woman asked, "was I okay?" Lips crimson and voluptuous The love of my father, she snaked away A god of wind, a shark at play Your past is not mysterious Watch me slave at words I could never say The love of my father, she snaked away.
Thoughtful, and quite sombre in parts but nontheless a wonderful piece of writing my boy...9
nifty.
Cool
Now that I know a little more, this smokes!!!!!
You have a wild imagination and you write with relentless passion. I liked the connotations with snakes there fascinating and mysterious. I vote 8
(at least this didn't make me sad)
it's great, and all, but I don't quite see how the repeated lines fit in with the pairs of lines before their repetitions; it seems they're only repeated for the sake of the form of the poem.
Vilanelle
A Villanelle: "is 19 lines long, but only uses two rhymes, while also repeating two lines throughout the poem. The first five stanzas are triplets, and the last stanza is a quatrain such that the rhyme scheme is as follows: "aba aba aba aba aba abaa." The tricky part is that the 1st and 3rd lines from the first stanza are alternately repeated such that the 1st line becomes the last line in the second stanza, and the 3rd line becomes the last line in the third stanza. The last two lines of the poem are lines 1 and 3 respectively, making a rhymed couplet." --. I pray this helps the 'ism' of your beak. If not. Oh, well.
I don't have a problem with what a vilanelle is; what I was saying is that I don't see how the repetitions fit with the poem, other than being repeated for the sake of the poem being a vilanelle.
wow
Don't you ever get sick of being an idiot, really. Because, you are, John. you're a fucking let down to yourself, your family, and jesus, now, go fuck a chunk of pumice.
Don't wow my fucking poetry man, go wow your own. Because I can't appreciate it since everything I've read of yours is obviously some sort of trendy inside joke that I have no respect for, since, you have no respect for poetry. If you did, you'd write poetry and not nonsense. Unless you are looking for help, then ask, if not, go fuck scoria and scorpion holes. Thanks! wow!
Read Soderstrom's new poem (Theology)----it's great!
Rich in detail, well written but it just aint my cup cake. Heres a 6 not your fault I licked the wrong parts.
Not bad
Shut up, or me and dark angel will kick your ass wagon and get gravy on your poontain Sasha.
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tricherie, that would be me. ;)