Re: Tale of a lonely heart by Bhaskaryya	21-Jan-05/5:07 PM
This starts out brilliantly, then falters badly into hallmark. I'll describe what I DO like: Nurtured betwixt eyelashes ---- Brilliant. An absolutely splendid image of a tiny feral foetus feeding on the aqueous humour of a young woman's eyeball. I would make it even more intense, add something along the lines of "the tiny pale body waxing ever stronger as the silv'ry globe shrivels" Cradled by silver moonshine --- ooohh, you DO use silver. CLEVER LAD. I see it. The eyeball glows with preternatural light, perhaps not shriveling at all, the inner magic ever renewing the glistening sphere, the pure light spilling out around the pale body of the feeding foetus as it...feeds Breastfed by emotions subdued ---- INDEED!!!!! the emotions hunted down, beaten with cudgels until subdued and bundled mewling into a sack, the tip of a corner of which is cut off, and the sack, pressed heavily betwixt the iron bands of angst and desire until the pesky emotions yield their nourishing juices, is used to feed the infant when it has outgrown the eyeball. I'm THERE! A young dream gently conjures Within the bolted entrails Of my lonesome heart; ---- I hear you brother. I too long ago found it necessary to bolt the entrails of my heart to a sort of scaffolding of sarcasm lest it implode in a disaster of unwonted empathy. Opening the prison of my soul ---- here I think you begin to falter; "prison of my soul" is somewhat clichéd And allowing my rusted thoughts ---- YES rusted, because they are ignored, disused, UNWANTED. Brilliant image. To sear up high and once more Transcend the boundaries of free air- Elevated much higher from ground reality. --- I would add lines after the first line, something along the lines of "leaving a branded trail/the long length of her luminous body" --and then from this point I feel, really, that you trail away into a sort of hallmark-ish welter of schmalzy weltshmerz.
Re: outSourcing by dreamsdiefirst	15-Feb-04/8:35 AM
Indeed. Imagine the day a nation filled with fat ignorant people born into more wealth and privelege than 99.9% of people who have ever lived stop whining about someone else getting a chance at life.
Re: a comment on AIDS in a Glass by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	6-Feb-04/12:05 PM
Dude -- bury them already. That's just sick.
Re: a comment on I Go On by drumrgirl30	6-Feb-04/8:21 AM
There is only one Goad. At least, only one with a capital 'G'.
Re: Haiku 2004 by Princess_Snowflake	5-Feb-04/5:36 PM
I still think this is fucking brilliant. When the things turn new. And when we are respectful. Because you damn well better be respectful of The Things. ESPECIALLY when they're turning new.
Re: a comment on Fireplay by drjhoss	5-Feb-04/5:30 PM
He's talking about god. Sheesh. You spent your entire childhood with Godpeople, don't you recognize Godtalk when you hear it?
Re: a comment on Thoughts by nicole081083	5-Feb-04/5:20 PM
No.
Re: a comment on On The Floor of the Hospital by Fear of Garbage	5-Feb-04/5:13 PM
dude, banal? dull? I read this pome six fucking times. Then I came back 3 days later and read it three more times. I don't even read my own goddamn pomes that many times.
Re: a comment on Something's gone wrong by zodiac	5-Feb-04/5:10 PM
he means he identifies with the narrator so he wants it changed to make him sound nobler to himself.
Re: a comment on Gardener by lastobelus	5-Feb-04/5:06 PM
you have no rosebushes & the wheelbarrow's broken. Write something new.
Re: a comment on The Weight of Words and the Meaning in the Wind by somemorepoetry	5-Feb-04/6:54 AM
Fuck'n A.
Re: Notes toward a possible poem by Nicholas Jones	5-Feb-04/6:47 AM
As he works up his lit'r'y extrusions, Nick poeticisms all but a few shuns. But his substandard rank Is proof those who would wank Should stick to their real life protrusions.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/6:26 PM
Nope, here for all of time ('less you resort to the unmanly little red x) is recorded the truth of your soft heart, underneath all those layers of crusted jodphurs.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/6:01 PM
I am indeed. (my membership to suicidegirls.com helps with that)
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/6:00 PM
-10- well done. Much much better than I could have ever done. Whew. The boiled tumors of my conscience feel much better now. Thank you.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/5:45 PM
lol, you're definitely at least partly right about trying to soothe my own conscience. I feel absolutely terrible...you have to do something... It started out being enormously funny, and then went bad. If he would only just get pissed off and lay into you, I could breathe a big sigh of relief, but he's so dreadfully earnest. He's pretty damn smart for 13, he'll probably end up being a good writer if you haven't PERMANENTLY DAMAGED HIM. Blindpoetry, you were being had on er, somewhat. But don't take it too seriously. It happens to all of us. Fight back! But don't take that too seriously either, that's even worse.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/4:09 PM
yes, please do. This stopped being funny when it became evident he really is thirteen. If you're as brave as you are witty & intelligent, you'll have a straight-up conversation with him about it.
Re: Digging A Grave by Billy Biff-Chin	4-Feb-04/4:00 PM
this is so not funny anymore. He's thirteen. Fuck off.
Re: a comment on Emily Mae by horus8	4-Feb-04/3:30 PM
or "...who've gone away"
Re: Emily Mae by horus8	4-Feb-04/3:28 PM
I didn't make it the whole way through your diatribe, but near the beginning you blurt something about this being a "serious" pome. Ok let's test that claim, lol...here goes... you're missing a "to" in s.2 L.1 In S.4 L.1, why "I buried my heart with" and not "I buried my heart with you" -- is this a colloquialism I don't know or was it to save a syllable for the rhythm? in the next line, "that field" comes off pretty corny, why not just "in a field where grey stones stand"? S.5 L.1 "...but went away" should be "...who went away" or "...but who went away" now, after you're done getting all pissy at me like a senile cat that thinks it owns its owners house & everything in it, why don't you go make some constructive comments on one of my pomes? If you can. I personally doubt it. You obviously have some talent for writing, but apparently little ability to read and understand and contribute to others' writing. If I'm wrong, however, I'd be quite interested to hear your feedback. Foaming at the mouth at me, however, will not make me cry. It might make me giggle, and show it to someone for a good laugh. adding in the "dear" and "my" to the 2nd rhyming line is a sweet touch. Note to Lenore: I have to say, it's pretty fucking hard to miss that this pome is about a dead daughter, not a lost love.