Re: Sir Magnedrol vs. The Dragon (part 1) by Phalkon	30-May-04/3:49 PM
The main problems with this poem are that the thing with the pronunciation guide for the names is ridiculous; you should know how to pronounce it when you see it. So "Pondrine" should be "Pondreh Ni" or something such, "Taeks" should be "Taieks," and "Aark" should definitely be "Gaydvark". Leaving them lower-case doesn't help. And no one should be given a particular name just to make a rhyme. Also, your poem is sadly lacking in pointlessly repeated words and jarring exclamatories. See how much better the following verse sounds than yours. The Elvish Prince went riding, riding, Riding out to the sea. Full many a worthy fellow had he! A ranger, a dwarf, and mages three Had he in his hurrying company. And their stealthy cloaks went gliding, gliding (Through hollow and tree! Fum! fettle! fee!) As the Elvish Lord went riding, riding Out to the Western Sea.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-May-04/3:53 PM
Did the word "transmogrified" exist before Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, popularized it? Dictionary.com returns "Origin unknown," which makes me think no.
Re: The Snow Queen by Angeline	31-May-04/12:21 PM
"See no more than him" means they only see him. I think you mean "See no more than he," which has an invisible "does" after. Maybe you didn't. But after starting with him being blind, that kind of follows. On the whole this one is quite a bit weaker than your others (which I wanted to say are totally ace.) The parenthesis bit is really good, though. Have you read the late, excellent Canadian novelist Carol Shields? You should. She used that parentheses image several times.
Re: Vibrissae by ggawrysi	31-May-04/12:27 PM
What are you? A hamster? A Scottish midget?
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Jun-04/8:00 AM
Before I got to the end of the first line, I knew the second was going to end in "I let out a yelp." Isn't that weird?
Re: Sex Mob by nothingtoanyone	1-Jun-04/8:15 AM
Are you dyslexic?
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Jun-04/7:16 PM
(Diva) Shaliqua is the name of one of Jabba the Hutt's dancing slaves. In other words, it's some utterly inexperienced white guy's idea of what an ethnic name looks like. But then, you don't get many ethnics up to Vermont, do you? Extra points for being a poem about a Negro's lips. And it's not badly written. -10-
Re: Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus	2-Jun-04/4:33 AM
This poem is practically unfinishable. Sure, you have about triple the average poemranker use-vocabulary, but this is all compound main and subordinate clauses jammed together higgledy-piggledy. It needs about ten more periods, and it needs to lose that awful "Present participling through something, I present indicative myself" sentence construction - and any clauses that begin with "As" as well. I'm wondering, have you tried to read this out loud? And I don't think "From pages of Larkin I pondered On the bleakness" is a valid way of saying that.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jun-04/1:53 PM
Wow, man! You sound like you're talking from experience! Are you a zombie?
Re: Jimmy and Chichi Choo (Sub-Dylan Bullshit Blues) by the codeine kid	2-Jun-04/2:14 PM
You've sure captured Dylan's talent for easy rhymes and bullshit "metaphorical" nonsense.
Re: Their Song of Peace or Pain by nothingtoanyone	3-Jun-04/5:13 AM
re: "Monotonous is King and Sorrow is his Queen." Jesus, man! Those aren't even the same species! Just imagine all the deformed forms they would give birth to! Adjenouns! Prepoverbs! Adjunctions!!!1!
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jun-04/5:26 PM
"windowsill" is one word. The "That winter, the beaches were always empty" bit breaks the first two lines' really excellent rhythm. It's a little wordy there. I think you might do better with something like: "Here, it’s always warm. The beaches were always empty, That winter, and more stars than I had ever seen." And you have two "always" in the same place in adjoining sentences. "You never seemed like driftwood to me," was too obvious. But you could save it, perhaps, with "But were never driftwood to me" running into the previous sentence or, if possible, something more clever. I'd drop the "as slow" or "Cuts us" from "Cuts us as slow," and the last bit of that stanza ("very air" and "mountains sing") needs changing. By the time you get to "Your advice was usually good" you need some new sentence constructions besides the usual declarative/expostulatory. How about: "Your advice, usually good, I carry like sticks..."? And "sticks of wood" is wordy and unnecessary. I know you did it for the rhyme, so you could do "I carry it like sunbleached wood" or "kindling wood" or something such. Drop the comma after "see" in that sentence. Where you've made the rhyme heavier in the "verse" parts, you need to do more work. The fourth verse, particularly. And I'm not a big fan of rhetorical questions, and especially the CLSwift kind. Still, good work, totally fixable, and more than worthy of a constructive criticism, so all you new Yorkshirish moor-dwellers can kindly kiss my bony ass.
Re: Solipsistic, Drunk, But Still Friends by horus8	4-Jun-04/4:11 AM
steamboat's one word.
Re: Black Rose by arduinn	4-Jun-04/7:12 AM
In response to this poem, I would suggest you become a gay. Homos don't have to deal with all the crap in relationships that we normals do, since they've had to work so hard just to get Official Bummer status, and aren't likely to screw it all up over something so silly as who forgot to take out the trash. Think about it. Oh, and ace 'EE' rhymes!
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jun-04/4:53 PM
When my brother-in-law gets bored at parties, he climbs into trees and urinates on the partygoers below. Do other people do this?
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jun-04/5:00 PM
re: "the swan and wolf mate for life," - Jesus! Not with each other, I hope?!??!!?!
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jun-04/6:59 AM
Would you please answer this as honestly as possible; I know you'll be tempted to lie, but remember the LORD is watching: Do you know one soldier in Iraq?
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Jun-04/5:37 PM
The best part is "Touch of contact." With lines like that, you must get all the fat Las Vegas hookers you can handle.
Re: To Orange by Lifeboatman	7-Jun-04/5:39 PM
"wond'rous" should be "wondrous", dimwit.
Re: Hollywierd by INTRANSIT	7-Jun-04/5:42 PM
This is really surprisingly good.