| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Apr-06/11:46 PM |
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A couple things irked me "explode out life" I get it but it's annoying. I think the part with "that their sipping chocolate milk" is a bit mixed up. Otherwise, very good. *7*
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| Re: Shy, quiet by Ranger |
4-Apr-06/11:50 PM |
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Wow, this is great, except for the way the first line is broken up. Would've done it differently. So, *9*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Apr-06/11:53 PM |
Truly wonderful lines here
"I know your eyes are not
Oracular jewels.
But still, in my heart
Obession rules." So far, these may be some of my favorite lines ever. *10*
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| Re: The One by deval1516 |
14-Apr-06/12:43 PM |
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Eliminate spelling errors, and maybe make it a less cliche and this isn't half bad. *5*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Apr-06/12:50 PM |
I liked this a ton. The stream of consciousness aspect is pretty remarkable because it picks up momentum and carries this piece. The writing style can be a bit dragging, but it just gets better as is lengthens. Particularly enjoyed "even quantum leaps can make an educated man yawn" and "Dinosaurs drive my car! Dinosaurs drive my car! Their extinction
expedites my own." *10*
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| Re: Narcolepsy by Sunny |
14-Apr-06/12:53 PM |
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I admire your ability to invent simple and beautiful phrases, however, this does not flow well and you seemed to struggle with how abstract you wanted the form to be. *7*
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| Re: Skellington Bakery by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
16-Apr-06/10:51 AM |
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Very original, very intriguing. I though this was a fantastic endeavor. *10*
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| Re: Another quarter. by richa |
16-Apr-06/10:56 AM |
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Th last two lines are great. "I sniff" and "frozen pie" seemed a little off to me. *7*
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| Re: take a jump with me by hendrimike |
16-Apr-06/11:02 AM |
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decent ode, but sort of stalled and unconvincing. *6*
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| Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger |
28-Apr-06/8:00 PM |
This is definitely a poet's poem. I feel confident enough when I say that this may be the best pure poem on this site. It is catchy, raw, truly FREE verse. It even has the punch at the end that makes your eyes move back to the top and start over again. No matter what the scores on this poem, it deserves no less than a primary addition to my favorites. Of course, Ranger, nothing short of greatness should be expected from you. I hope I've tooted your horn quite sufficiently.
*10*
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| Re: A mans obligation by kliq |
6-May-06/9:34 PM |
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If you had spelled two correctly, this would be brilliant. *8*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-May-06/9:43 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-May-06/8:51 PM |
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Job, darn well. Grammar implied.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-May-06/8:51 PM |
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Job, darn well. Grammar implied. *9*
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| Re: test by zanzina |
21-May-06/11:58 PM |
Word choice 8
Effort 1
Effect 3
Average *4*
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-May-06/12:04 AM |
Good,
Contemporary factor makes it too expendable,
But still good
*9*
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| Re: A naughty strumpet by John Rambo |
29-May-06/6:23 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Jul-06/9:34 AM |
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I really enjoy this, your style is very original and people who don't like it probably consider themselves high art aficionados. I loathe poets.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Jul-06/9:36 AM |
wonderful *9* i love
"spruces colored green
spruces colored blue
spruces that can bleed
death to you know who"
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Jul-06/9:37 AM |
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