| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Mar-04/9:06 AM |
I wonder if the failure rate for gay marriages will be as high as the old kind?
What's the rate now - 65% failure? Marriage is a broken institution that evolution hasn't bred us to support; it literaly goes against our nature -
and the planet has enough fricken offspring, so I'm not at all worried about Ken and Bob. I welcome them and society should encourage any system modifications to support them. I would think most who seek gay marriages would pay a premium, either in taxes or some other social trick, for the priviledge. I'm surprised the idea isn't exploited to a larger extent.
Having said that, this is a cute, if meaningless, ditty. Spurred some good conversation too.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Mar-04/7:36 PM |
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should be "retched" not "wretched"
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| Re: Brethren by richa |
10-Mar-04/7:43 PM |
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my turn to look stupid; I don't unnastand.
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| Re: Aesgntor by MacFrantic |
11-Mar-04/7:13 AM |
Flows fairly well - thinking "Sancturies" should not be plural, but possessive.
Got pulled right through the first third, (was thinking, "this is a ten, this is a ten") then I had trouble following the story ("...9....8...") - might be more complex than it needs to be?
How does one pronounce "Aesgntor?"
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Mar-04/8:30 AM |
First off - my sympathies to anyone who lost someone in that event. Welcome to Poemranker...
Some spelling to deal with:
tryed, lifes, breath, alittle, didnt, caotic
Should be: tried, lifeâs, breathe, a little, didnât, chaotic
A few of the complets, regardless of truth or fiction, sound made-up, and therefore the reader begins to feel conned.
such as:
"I had just turned it off, for I could not stand the sight,
And then my phone started ringing, it was Liz she didnt sound quite
right. " (reasonable voice says: there would have been no small talk to worry about detecting trouble in her voice - she would have gotten directly to the point)
"Tom told her that he loved her, and not to give it a second thought,
He said to kiss the baby, and he was sorry last night they'd fought. " (too convenient)
In general, anytime the rhyme seems "reached for" then the circumstances become suspect and therefore the entire piece exploitive. This happens, for me, in up/cup, before/4, hear/fear (at least).
New poster tips: no title in the body, copyright is not needed (you are afforded the same protection having simply written it).
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| Re: Brethren by richa |
11-Mar-04/8:41 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Mar-04/8:57 AM |
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Oh, and it's frowned upon if you give yourself a ten (even if you do it without logging in).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Mar-04/8:04 AM |
I think this is one more edit from a very well done vil.
consider reworking the "summer grade" and the machine gun line.
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| Re: The Destination of the Unborn Child by DeadtotheWorld |
12-Mar-04/11:52 AM |
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| Re: Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT |
13-Mar-04/8:18 AM |
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I guess I liked it better when you threw the pineapple at her head.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Mar-04/2:50 PM |
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There was some idiotic rambling from zodiac, but I have spared the audience of his nonsense.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Mar-04/5:27 PM |
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| Re: My Boyfriend's Afro Pick by horus8 |
13-Mar-04/5:29 PM |
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people still wear those things? Horry shirt, what a roosah.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Mar-04/10:19 AM |
Wow, I can't believe this masterpiece is only getting -8-'s
It's brilliant, I tell you - BRILLIANT!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Mar-04/11:05 AM |
So many prepositions, so little time. And about that, not sure of your capability having read only this, but I'm not won over by the duplicated descriptors:
quite and calm
veiled, hidden
cream porcelain
Less is more, especially regarding images of suicide or cutting - so much competition on the topic. I guess it could be about shaving though...
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| Re: What is the use of the lid? by A. Nomaly |
16-Mar-04/12:01 PM |
only one person I know ever uses the word "lacquered", but this has nothing to do with ass....
or does it...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Mar-04/6:08 PM |
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| Re: Buried pyramid by zodiac |
17-Mar-04/2:32 PM |
Nice details.
It's good prose Zodiac - what's the translation?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Mar-04/11:00 AM |
Beautifully wrought. Delicious in places -
*maybe* a slight word trim -here and there- but, seriously; an easy ten.
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| Re: To all the assholes.. by KaytiaraFaith |
18-Mar-04/1:24 PM |
I think that pretty much sums up how we all feel, all the time.
Welcome.
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