on some deleted poem
10 Mar 2004, 7:36 PM
should be "retched" not "wretched"
on Aesgntor by MacFrantic
11 Mar 2004, 7:13 AM
Flows fairly well - thinking "Sancturies" should not be plural, but possessive.
Got pulled right through the first third, (was thinking, "this is a ten, this is a ten") then I had trouble following the story ("...9....8...") - might be more complex than it needs to be?
How does one pronounce "Aesgntor?"
Got pulled right through the first third, (was thinking, "this is a ten, this is a ten") then I had trouble following the story ("...9....8...") - might be more complex than it needs to be?
How does one pronounce "Aesgntor?"
on some deleted poem
11 Mar 2004, 8:57 AM
Oh, and it's frowned upon if you give yourself a ten (even if you do it without logging in).
on some deleted poem
12 Mar 2004, 8:04 AM
I think this is one more edit from a very well done vil.
consider reworking the "summer grade" and the machine gun line.
consider reworking the "summer grade" and the machine gun line.
on The Destination of the Unborn Child by DeadtotheWorld
12 Mar 2004, 11:52 AM
Title rocks.
on some deleted poem
13 Mar 2004, 2:50 PM
There was some idiotic rambling from zodiac, but I have spared the audience of his nonsense.
on Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT
13 Mar 2004, 8:18 AM
I guess I liked it better when you threw the pineapple at her head.
on some deleted poem
13 Mar 2004, 5:27 PM
Lets try this again...
on My Boyfriend's Afro Pick by horus8
13 Mar 2004, 5:29 PM
people still wear those things? Horry shirt, what a roosah.
on To all the assholes.. by KaytiaraFaith
18 Mar 2004, 1:24 PM
I think that pretty much sums up how we all feel, all the time.
Welcome.
Welcome.
on some deleted poem
16 Mar 2004, 10:19 AM
Wow, I can't believe this masterpiece is only getting -8-'s
It's brilliant, I tell you - BRILLIANT!
It's brilliant, I tell you - BRILLIANT!
on some deleted poem
16 Mar 2004, 11:05 AM
So many prepositions, so little time. And about that, not sure of your capability having read only this, but I'm not won over by the duplicated descriptors:
quite and calm
veiled, hidden
cream porcelain
Less is more, especially regarding images of suicide or cutting - so much competition on the topic. I guess it could be about shaving though...
quite and calm
veiled, hidden
cream porcelain
Less is more, especially regarding images of suicide or cutting - so much competition on the topic. I guess it could be about shaving though...
on What is the use of the lid? by A. Nomaly
16 Mar 2004, 12:01 PM
only one person I know ever uses the word "lacquered", but this has nothing to do with ass....
or does it...
or does it...
on some deleted poem
16 Mar 2004, 6:08 PM
Nicely done, Richa.
on Buried pyramid by zodiac
17 Mar 2004, 2:32 PM
Nice details.
It's good prose Zodiac - what's the translation?
It's good prose Zodiac - what's the translation?
on some deleted poem
18 Mar 2004, 11:00 AM
Beautifully wrought. Delicious in places -
*maybe* a slight word trim -here and there- but, seriously; an easy ten.
*maybe* a slight word trim -here and there- but, seriously; an easy ten.
on some deleted poem
11 Mar 2004, 8:30 AM
First off - my sympathies to anyone who lost someone in that event. Welcome to Poemranker...
Some spelling to deal with:
tryed, lifes, breath, alittle, didnt, caotic
Should be: tried, life’s, breathe, a little, didn’t, chaotic
A few of the complets, regardless of truth or fiction, sound made-up, and therefore the reader begins to feel conned.
such as:
"I had just turned it off, for I could not stand the sight,
And then my phone started ringing, it was Liz she didnt sound quite
right. " (reasonable voice says: there would have been no small talk to worry about detecting trouble in her voice - she would have gotten directly to the point)
"Tom told her that he loved her, and not to give it a second thought,
He said to kiss the baby, and he was sorry last night they'd fought. " (too convenient)
In general, anytime the rhyme seems "reached for" then the circumstances become suspect and therefore the entire piece exploitive. This happens, for me, in up/cup, before/4, hear/fear (at least).
New poster tips: no title in the body, copyright is not needed (you are afforded the same protection having simply written it).
Some spelling to deal with:
tryed, lifes, breath, alittle, didnt, caotic
Should be: tried, life’s, breathe, a little, didn’t, chaotic
A few of the complets, regardless of truth or fiction, sound made-up, and therefore the reader begins to feel conned.
such as:
"I had just turned it off, for I could not stand the sight,
And then my phone started ringing, it was Liz she didnt sound quite
right. " (reasonable voice says: there would have been no small talk to worry about detecting trouble in her voice - she would have gotten directly to the point)
"Tom told her that he loved her, and not to give it a second thought,
He said to kiss the baby, and he was sorry last night they'd fought. " (too convenient)
In general, anytime the rhyme seems "reached for" then the circumstances become suspect and therefore the entire piece exploitive. This happens, for me, in up/cup, before/4, hear/fear (at least).
New poster tips: no title in the body, copyright is not needed (you are afforded the same protection having simply written it).
What's the rate now - 65% failure? Marriage is a broken institution that evolution hasn't bred us to support; it literaly goes against our nature -
and the planet has enough fricken offspring, so I'm not at all worried about Ken and Bob. I welcome them and society should encourage any system modifications to support them. I would think most who seek gay marriages would pay a premium, either in taxes or some other social trick, for the priviledge. I'm surprised the idea isn't exploited to a larger extent.
Having said that, this is a cute, if meaningless, ditty. Spurred some good conversation too.