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Buried pyramid (Free verse) by zodiac
(Cholula,) There was a band, some Mariachi outfit in a roasting bar; we danced till I caught a bad beat and puked in a box of Dos Equis bottles in the parking lot. She was dancing, Adibe, when I came back, a drink held up over her head, and this crotchy Catholic-girl swing she had, so watching her you knew how she’d be with her black tight slacks off and the windows pulling tropic early-morning damp in the room and her neck bent to kiss like a horse drinking, a sharp peak of shoulder-blades - hair falling around her brown Naco face. It’d smell like old smoke, puke, tile after a squall in the afternoon; like night swollen with rain, shit-drunk, heavy-lidded and utterly fuckall. Then she was dancing with Oscar, who told her the night-guardia at the church-topped pyramid 'd sell us hash. Not that we wanted it, but we headed up empty Camino Real in the cold waking-up dark, under streetlamps that rendered us in ones and twos. And Adibe rolled sleepily against me like a cat - and Oscar as well - sang softly, - amor, por ti bebí mi propio llanto... and mixed up the verses; and a drunk old sadness made the night airless and splendorous, made a game of not falling in the swell- and-dip of the big dew-slick cobbles, till the wondrous seriousness of keeping our feet under us left us, and we fell.

Down the ladder: Window Washer (midtown)

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.5
Weighted score: 6.2102365
Overall Rank: 976
Posted: March 16, 2004 7:33 PM PST; Last modified: March 17, 2004 10:43 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 | 17-Mar-04/2:32 PM | Reply
Nice details.

It's good prose Zodiac - what's the translation?
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.44.39 > Shuushin | 17-Mar-04/2:48 PM | Reply
Love,
for you I drank
my own sob/cry/scream...
- from 'Revancha' by Agustin Lara (the hispanic Bing Crosby)
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.44.39 > Shuushin | 17-Mar-04/2:49 PM | Reply
"Good prose" - and it rhymes.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > zodiac | 17-Mar-04/4:38 PM | Reply
sure. Rhyming prose. Got it.
[10] Fear of Garbage @ 156.63.85.17 | 18-Mar-04/8:49 AM | Reply
Zodiac, you're the only one who comments anymore. I have to give this a 10
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.130.214.180 | 19-Mar-04/9:57 AM | Reply
Pardon me while I ass yawn with you.
[9] <~> @ 64.252.164.251 | 22-Apr-04/10:44 PM | Reply
nice enjambments. i struggled with a few of the words pulled out f order, but i see what you are up to, and i like it. and this, this made me smile:

till the wondrous
seriousness of keeping our feet under us
left us, and we fell.


thank you.
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