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Aesgntor (Free verse) by MacFrantic
A halo burns in Aesgntor Within the frosted relic Guards of wind and time surround The temple so archaic Who shall dwell in such a place So curséd by the Gods While demons black and Demons dark infect the island broad Stolen by an angel's squire And driven by the snow Guilded sword of Aesgntor A blazing garnet glow This thief a child no older than A rugged sawyer's son Too late his break for Sanctuary's gate will be undone Come with blood and flank with rain An army of the sky Destroy the hero bold and rough Subdue his diamond eye Shone the marble glass and pewter Glory of the Kings Tyrants broken tired and old of whom The solemn metrists sing But once more the clever youth Escapes into the forest veil Tracked by hellions ere to death Ravaged o'er by tooth and nail Sleep forebode but sleep forbade Until the moon was full and bright The weight of Aesgntor did Drag the bearer through the night Oh! Hail Morning! Just and cruel This day has reared its head The body of a progeny lies Cold and reaped of life now dead Among the trees a sight reveals The Angels of the Drift And now the sword of Aesgntor Burns toward the water's cliff The one last rogue who now wields The instrument his bevy sought Succumbs to poisonous affliction Lastly for the boy he fought With lust he roared the madness seethed Yet finally he broke He lie there in the reddened snow and Still of Aesgntor he spoke The final guardian of the throne Dropped into the sinful mire His Loyalty his King his Life Consumed by passion blood and fire As for the sword and all its power Sunken down beneath the sea Hidden from its master's touch Will turn to ash and cease to be But now the real weapon of flame A boy of heart and raw valór Hath struck down hate with all his life To end the reign of Aesgntor

Down the ladder: The Devil's Carnival

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10  .. 21
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.888889
Weighted score: 6.6
Overall Rank: 604
Posted: March 9, 2004 9:25 PM PST; Last modified: March 11, 2004 7:35 PM PST
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Comments:
[10] deleted user @ 169.244.70.148 | 10-Mar-04/5:45 AM | Reply
i like the rhyme
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 | 11-Mar-04/7:13 AM | Reply
Flows fairly well - thinking "Sancturies" should not be plural, but possessive.

Got pulled right through the first third, (was thinking, "this is a ten, this is a ten") then I had trouble following the story ("...9....8...") - might be more complex than it needs to be?

How does one pronounce "Aesgntor?"
[n/a] MacFrantic @ 198.81.26.15 | 11-Mar-04/7:45 PM | Reply
Thanx Shuushin.
Step x step the story goes:
1.Evil Kingdom of Aesgntor (Aze-in-tor) has been hidden for years.
2. Young boy steals the firesword and escapes.
3. The guardian demons give chase.
Intermission :)
4. The sword hampers boy's escape.
5. The demons catch hero.
6. Boy kills all but one in pursuit.
7. Last demon survives; kills boy but recieves fatal wounds from sword.
8. Demon heads back toward Aesgntor.
9. He dies and falls into the murky ocean.
10. The sword falls as well and becomes extinguished...
11. ...or does it?

Thanx for criticism on grammar!
Not bad for a sophomore, huh?

[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > MacFrantic | 11-Mar-04/8:01 PM | Reply
not too shabby at all! Just gets a little busy, but its quite an epic.
[9] lexxie100 @ 72.64.228.124 | 2-Jul-07/7:55 AM | Reply
wonderful.
287 view(s)




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