Re: The Gentleman by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	28-Sep-03/10:14 PM
I don't think "an" was ever appropriate before a G. You are perhaps generalizing from the way "an" before "h" is archaic and fussy. It just sounds wrong here.
Re: AIDS Bonanza! by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	28-Sep-03/10:17 PM
Blech.
Re: Child of my Buttocks by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	28-Sep-03/10:21 PM
Eschew surplusage.
Re: Dexpression by Roisin	28-Sep-03/10:23 PM
Hope you feel better, Roisin.
Re: Yet another Morning Glory piss-take by Bobjim	28-Sep-03/10:23 PM
Not a poem.
Re: bounce by corinacorrie	28-Sep-03/10:25 PM
80% of the stuff here is worse...
Re: Toxic & Water by Goku SSJ1232	28-Sep-03/10:27 PM
Six degrees of thesaurus?
Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL	28-Sep-03/10:43 PM
I like a poem that saves itself until the last line. Anyway, it's a very good <i>idea</i> for a poem. I think it could become really good. Try redoing it a half-dozen ways and see what works? My $.02.
Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL	28-Sep-03/10:51 PM
I think Dark Angel hit upon something with her list. How tiresome all those elements are. It's therefore surprising this poem is mediocre, or maybe better, which is a great deal better than most of the stuff here. Ms. Angel's stuff isn't about teenage love--to her credit--but her vulgarity, strained rhymes and penchant for bogus archaism is very limited, and ultimately irritating. This poem isn’t great, but it could be great; Ms. Angel is going nowhere.
Re: Love poem by thavimatola	28-Sep-03/10:55 PM
I shall save Dark Angel the trouble: [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [X] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [_] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment
Re: Love poem (on sense and experience) by thavimatola	28-Sep-03/10:58 PM
Dark Angel's list. [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [_] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [X] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [X] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment
Re: Love poem (on sense and experience) by thavimatola	28-Sep-03/10:59 PM
Something went wrong. It certainly is NOT suicide-related, and I wouldn't say it was sappy. Some might.
Re: A Best Friend by Birdman42s	29-Sep-03/7:54 AM
You have a bright future in greeting cards.
Re: Love doggerel by thavimatola	29-Sep-03/11:52 AM
Points of possible confusion: (1) Doggerel is bad verse. (2) halon doesn't fission easily; fission is a nuclear process. (3) elision is a technical word for slurring.