Re: Black liqourice & G-stringed orphans by horus8	14-Aug-02/8:42 PM
hi h. lovely evening, isn't it?
Re: A piece i shall never play again by ==Doylum	14-Aug-02/8:49 PM
now that's entertainment. nice metaphors, sirrah. and what's the lesson in all of this? she'll never play that piece again; that's for damn sure. leave it to the professionals???
Re: Black liqourice & G-stringed orphans by horus8	14-Aug-02/8:54 PM
reading some poems, drinking some beers. trying to spark. i just spent 6 hours consulting at a house with 6 kids. (i don't have any. they are fun, but, damn, the questions.) i wanna feel like an adult again. at least i got some extra jing. people pay me to pick colors and such. i'd rather pick words. been tossing a few drafts around all daaayyy. nothing worthwhile coming out though. not like last night. i liked the way you read salt, all turvy and knot.
Re: Front, Porch, Swing. by horus8	14-Aug-02/9:23 PM
"Your paid taxes fund those causes" sorry h. you lost me here. not sure where the politics fit in with the lost, the love, the lament. got the levelling beginning, ending, and the staring at the past middle. but then you stopped the damn ferris whell at the top and rocked it. i'm scairt of heights. and then you throw the government at me. what are you going for? am i just dense tonight? uzwize, mmm.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-02/9:27 PM
nice cadence at first, but then becomes very tentative. i understand that the conditional is, by nature, tentative. but, to draw me in, i want you to sing-song me some more, and be surer of yourself. what makes this one the one you're willing to lay down for? that's what i want to hear.
Re: After The Rain by Lil_Chick_512	14-Aug-02/9:28 PM
all that punctuation dampens the spirit, before the clouds even gather in the sky
Re: Masked by savannah	14-Aug-02/9:33 PM
angry about the mask. hmm. i've got a closet full of them. you will too, someday. i think it's the whispering behind it, more than the mask itself. just think about how small that space is, between the lies and the mask. heat it up. put a mirror behind him to catch them as they flow out from his(?) poisoned lips. bottle them up. what color are they, the daggered, dripping lies? and how do so many hide away behind the carved insides?
Re: Friends Forever by x311	14-Aug-02/9:35 PM
uneven rhyme weakens this, as does lack of detail
Re: the door by wuying	14-Aug-02/9:41 PM
what is the truth behind door #1? this could be a good story; i think the forced rhyming pulled you away from what you were trying to say. man, i feel dense tonight. maybe it is all there, and i just can't see it. is it?
Re: the door by wuying	14-Aug-02/9:57 PM
okay, i get that, but not from the poem. for example, you say that the door never speaks, though it tries. i generally find obstacles to be indifferent to my plight. and, i'm sure that everyone and everything that challenges me does not have any special insight into my soul. i'm not trying to be argumentative; i just think this got a little mystical for what you were aiming at. and, why torn in two? see, i think there's much that can be said here, but i think you are not putting down everything you have worked through in your thoughts. have you read it aloud to yourself? sometimes hearing it is much much different than writing or reading it. the ears 'see' what the familiar eye does not. tighten.
Re: Front, Porch, Swing. by horus8	14-Aug-02/10:38 PM
--oh, the poem--i don't get the transition from description to conflict. i see there's inherent unrest, but i think that you have become more adept at the weave and wake since 6/99. thanks for the explanation of the scenario. broken dreams clutter the curbside; unworn wishes piled in the attic like so many christmas sweaters are more haunting than the ghosts of the past. future perfect never was. tense. as for the beer, sierra nevdada started the evening. down to coors light and a very old scotch ale, which it's about 80 degrees too hot too drink tonight, but i mat have to bite the bullit, and take one for the team. still no muse. damned if i haven't drained every can and bottle looking for her, though. as far as the pros and cons of arguing, yep, i know. i was married for 5 years, and we came to a fork in the road. thanks a lot, robert frost. we both took a 50% best travelled road. no arguing about the path at all, just, see ya. salty indeed. beer foam salt. what kinda red red you nosing tonight?
Re: A mountain song by kawakurdi	14-Aug-02/10:50 PM
some very pleasing imagery, but there's a fable in here, and it wants to out. let it.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Aug-02/6:45 AM
wonderful, moon, lover. backroads of her body. wonderful. you have taken me there.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Aug-02/8:34 AM
<<Sent straight/to giggle as stars/on a clear night...>> power. raw power in this stanza. this phrasing expands my sorrow at the emptiness.
Re: white harvest by <~>	15-Aug-02/8:58 AM
was it just this piece that earned me ranks in 'the great unwahed'?
Re: white harvest by <~>	15-Aug-02/8:59 AM
i never spurned you, d, even when you were so very immediate
Re: white harvest by <~>	15-Aug-02/9:42 AM
ah, dearest d, we come from different worlds, don't we? i never said i was UNABLE to pay my debts... that's not what it's about. at all. sorry i didn't live up to your expectations, but i bet that happens a lot. regardless of my own state of 'unclean,' i feel that the poem is clean. ta.
Re: white harvest by <~>	15-Aug-02/10:07 AM
my world is so very similar to yours that sometimes i think that they might be the same, but then i remember: my world is full of grey. my world is refillable 3 times before 6/28/03. the edge of it scars my feet. on either side is a chasm. the path will flatten again; it always does. have you forgotten what that's like, to be away for a while? or are you an uber-mensch, who has never lost his balance?
Re: school reunion by irishfolksuicide	15-Aug-02/10:26 AM
yum yum. drip drip. i hope they have an enjoyable evening....
Re: 13 Pianos (after Wallace Stevens) by jconnors3	15-Aug-02/1:03 PM
superb.