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Friends Forever (Free verse) by x311
Silver tongued demon Speaking smoothly in my ear Telling me what I want to hear While you tear me apart from the inside You know me so well Been with me for quite a while Flashing your white-toothed smile But the whole time, you've lied Weakening my defenses You are ripping down my wall As I heed your every beck and call You've used me as my heart has cried Making me feel comfortable You use my weaknesses against me Almost ready to unleash your fury Pandora's Box, now untied The time has come I finally give in to your demands Unimaginable things now done by my hands Dark thoughts wash in with the tide Entirely consumed I don't care about anything Because of this serpent's sting Nothing left but an empty shell, completely fried.

Down the ladder: In a Single Moment

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.285714
Weighted score: 4.807899
Overall Rank: 11018
Posted: July 18, 2002 10:49 AM PDT; Last modified: July 18, 2002 10:49 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 26-Jul-02/2:36 PM | Reply
in a word explain the difference between "just writing", and "poetry" shaman, witchdocter, here is one for you if you're temporarily confounded "Zeitgeist". u can $@% until my thing chaffe, nice poame.t
[n/a] x311 @ | 27-Jul-02/7:56 AM | Reply
thanks for commmenting horus8. i enjoy getting feedback, but could you please explain yours? I guess I just don't understand. Thanks.
[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 27-Jul-02/8:37 AM | Reply
simple really like Rimbaud i fell all writing is poetry even if your using shit or blood structure is irrelevant when story matter counts
[4] <~> @ 24.44.185.41 | 14-Aug-02/9:35 PM | Reply
uneven rhyme weakens this, as does lack of detail
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