| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jul-03/11:43 AM |
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joe-joe, when you found god, where did you find him?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jul-03/1:38 PM |
connect the absinthe for me, to something more than paris, and wild thoughts.
and wherefore england?
(sheesh, i am demanding!)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jul-03/6:48 PM |
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well, domestic bliss it ain't but you sure as hell got your point across.
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| Re: Too obvious by INTRANSIT |
29-Jul-03/9:06 PM |
what the hell are you doing up this late? popping zits?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jul-03/9:07 PM |
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awakened, to love, here. beautiful usage. is this feeling new? or are you revisiting, mi hermana?
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| Re: I sat for an hour to watch a spider by Jimbo |
29-Jul-03/9:11 PM |
i watched her, too. a few days ago. she was deft, and certain, and jerky in her haste. i could have broken her. but, as above, so below, yes?
be well, thom. i go by <~> now.
xo,
sue.
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| Re: Seeing Clearly in the Dark by Jimbo |
29-Jul-03/9:14 PM |
but, why this awkwardness? fear, of trusting? here, this is what i mean:
"Then we sang of songs
Which we would rather have not"
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jul-03/9:14 PM |
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| Re: Too obvious by INTRANSIT |
30-Jul-03/6:14 AM |
"comes usually with.
After some treatments
you'll look like a sith."
oh, that sure is pimply, all right. but it sounds more like chronic acne!
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| Re: Middleman by INTRANSIT |
30-Jul-03/6:15 AM |
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yes i was confusing it. this one does work nicely. very clear.
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| Re: The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus |
30-Jul-03/7:55 AM |
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| Re: HANDRINOS IS A HUMOURLESS PRIG by walrus8 |
30-Jul-03/11:08 AM |
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a might touchy today, eh 195.157.153.253?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Jul-03/2:16 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Jul-03/7:35 PM |
richa, despite the spcing issue you mention, this is the most evocative of the versions i have seen. my 2 nit picks:
the word "just"--just so useless. it's not there for the meter--try it wothout, you might like it better.
"a thin presence
of soot."--since you named it "memories of paris', you could use this part of the poem to swing your poetic axe on home. parallel the "memories" with 'remind'--'burnt out to a sooty reminder, a thin presence'...etc.
just my suggestions. it's what i wish i could see between the lines that i miss the most in your poems. this is the fullest i've seen from you, next to 'the drowning line'. thanks forlistening.
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| Re: plagiarism txt by daniella |
30-Jul-03/8:02 PM |
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oh, dear. quickly! a glass of amarone for daniella!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Jul-03/8:34 PM |
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| Re: in a singular way by daniella |
30-Jul-03/8:44 PM |
but, the familiar phrases in the middlw of the poem--they spoil it for me. fresh language from you, daniella! these stick:
from [perhaps] whence we came.
To pitch, roll and yaw.
they close the books on this
questions won't go away
blown off course
this one, you twist, to make your own:
I'm afraid practice is making perfect pretences.
but the others, no, they are too familiar and deaden it for me. sorry.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Jul-03/9:19 PM |
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well this is fresh, innocent, and sweet. and i'm not going to rank it. instead, i'll keep my eye on you.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Jul-03/6:20 AM |
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if you are going to establish a meter and a rhyme, you need to stick with it or it ruins the poem. keep with the beat if you want this poem to succeed.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Jul-03/6:24 AM |
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the refrain is a good device. but you have to ask yourself, is he good enough?
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