Re: Me and She. by peach835	20-Jan-03/5:56 PM
sense not sinse
Re: Night Photograph by jess33	19-Jan-03/12:47 AM
nice ideas but they are presented with a total lack of subtlety. especially that last line. i guess its 'honest' but its like you just put this closed idea out there it leaves nothing to the imagination, offers no nuances. otherwise the rest of the poem is pretty good.
Re: What would I do without you? by Chels85	19-Jan-03/12:40 AM
vomitrocious...i'm sure you're sig. other really loved this but no one else gives a shit this sounds like a million terrible pop songs that have already been written absolutely nothing original going on
Re: not full by wrabo	19-Jan-03/12:07 AM
hmm first stanza is full of kinda cliched imagery/ideas and i'm all for the invention of words in poetry but 'satirety' is completely unneccesary (dont worry the world wont end if youre not rhyming). its 'satire'. thats the noun form. think it gets better as it goes...the last stanza has some redeemable imagery....i like colorless rain but 'i resistantly entwined' feels a little muddled and such phrases as 'saddened jaded' and 'stark, motionless, alone,' they all invoke this very worn out and unoriginal feeling of regurgitated despair
Re: a comment on picture loops by pomoxo	18-Jan-03/10:13 PM
thanks for the warm welcome and yeah...i know what you mean. i've been writing excessively for a long time (at least daily for 2 years) and this has kind of resulted in me going way beyond any sort of day to day language, its very very far into my head which is a fragmented and convoluted mess that uses words that are too big, i know, but the fuckidge of the tongue is purposeful because its a reflection of the fuckidge of my mind, you know?...if you can pinpoint what it is that's familiar bout my writing i'd really like to know. get back to me on that one, if you can. and i will try and post something simpler i've written sometime soon. thanks agai
Re: Clouds by Sugarbbybuttrfly	18-Jan-03/9:48 PM
you should be writing pop songs
Re: Punishment and Punishment again by vulcan	18-Jan-03/9:38 PM
crazy
Re: A black sanded tropical vision by horus8	18-Jan-03/9:01 PM
i really enjoy some of the unconventional imagery you use here, it definitely gives the poem a distinct ambience which is very valuable, the kind of strangeness and surreality that is the experience of childhood, back before we had all sorts of ingrained cultural references to steer our perceptions
Re: rules by roses are read	18-Jan-03/8:55 PM
i'm sure what you're feeling feels real revolutionary right now but you'll look back on it in a few years and feel juvenile. honestly, how many times has the phrase 'living a lie' been used in the english language? the answer is far too many, which makes it a cliche and the problem with cliches is that they usually have a severe deficiency of potency. also, you're mostly talking about abstract concepts and not utilizing much concrete imagery and the concrete imagery you do utilize sparks little in the imagination. writing without punctuation is fun and makes us pay attention to you until it goes on for so long that it feels tedious and annoys your reader. punctuation, placed appropriately, is just as powerful as lack of punctuation, and punctuating does not neccessarily represent adherence to convention, punctuation can be used in very creative ways. read some ee cumming
Re: Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof	18-Jan-03/8:40 PM
I really like this, its earnestly unadorned my only problem is the use of 'truthfully' in the last line, it feels to me to be a little bland of a word, way too open and vague. to me it seems the meaning you're striving for w/ this word is closer to 'appropriately' err or something that would suggest the artist is placing the score in the place where it will most resonate. truthfully just feels kind of overarching but maybe that's just because i read alot of meaninglessness into the word 'truth' in general