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not full (Free verse) by wrabo Another Oldie
Not full
Like an empty bird cage
Just being, only being, no meaning.
Mouse trapped in a maze
An enigma blinding reason.
Hollow this time of satirety
Being in a place of silence
Hopeless it is entirely
Cobwebs cocooning all eternity
Colourless rain falls to form a puddle
In it an image, bent and muddled.
Saddened jaded porcelain
Merely fragments with stone,
I resistantly entwined
Stark, Motionless, Alone.
Up the ladder:
Haiku: The Legend Continues
Down the ladder:
Bowing at the alter ego
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.8333333
Posted: September 20, 2002 7:55 AM PDT; Last modified: September 20, 2002 7:55 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.686235 Overall Rank: 12080 Comments:
[4]
pomoxo @ 158.252.242.71
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19-Jan-03/12:07 AM
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Reply
hmm first stanza is full of kinda cliched imagery/ideas and i'm all for the invention of words in poetry but 'satirety' is completely unneccesary (dont worry the world wont end if youre not rhyming). its 'satire'. thats the noun form. think it gets better as it goes...the last stanza has some redeemable imagery....i like colorless rain but 'i resistantly entwined' feels a little muddled and such phrases as 'saddened jaded' and 'stark, motionless, alone,' they all invoke this very worn out and unoriginal feeling of regurgitated despair
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