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picture loops (Free verse) by pomoxo
Electric blue synaesthesia blips through every movement and the sight of your smile I experience in trailing tickling fingers blushing through my skin, rutting through the tracks in my head. Good natured gestures gleaned through television screens have taught me that I have no boundaries and you no limits and that mirrors are meant to swallow whole hours in contemplation of WHERE DO MY LIPS END WHERE DOES MY FACE BEGIN? Oh, there is nothing like the latenight mainlining of information with heavenly tainted needles and grimy baby hooks scag scag sca scag scag cheap and straight and whole clashing vibrations of easy. I am a face undressing A poor scapegoated mirror peeling the processes of translated being and making it the inept collage of wondering pity- Flattened, like my own sense of selection and morality under the duress of incoherent sunsets and their diffusing abrasiveness that lie about the true hue and tremors of your prospects. The ad machine generates directionless grittiness and one time holiness all in waves of electric cavernous cascades Empty blue blue water falls to no source.

Up the ladder: The Golden Rule
Down the ladder: The Queen Mums Teeth

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Weighted score: 5.029801
Overall Rank: 7255
Posted: January 18, 2003 8:30 PM PST; Last modified: January 18, 2003 8:30 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Jan-03/9:25 PM | Reply
Trippy.
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Jan-03/9:38 PM | Reply
My opinion of your poem at second glance gave me the feeling that you dug to deep, and or 'tried too hard'. which is very common at this level of poetic 'excellence'. lol. Perhaps write a pretty, and simple sonnet..to get back to nature. You use very descriptive and powerful words..to many three syllabel words in a row can play fuckidge on the tongue. If you can dig. other than that. I feel that you've gotten off here at a galloping start. I detect something familiar about your writing, but...it doesn't matter. congradulations on the 8 and poem. Enjoy your stay here.
[n/a] pomoxo @ 158.252.242.71 > horus8 | 18-Jan-03/10:13 PM | Reply
thanks for the warm welcome and yeah...i know what you mean. i've been writing excessively for a long time (at least daily for 2 years) and this has kind of resulted in me going way beyond any sort of day to day language, its very very far into my head which is a fragmented and convoluted mess that uses words that are too big, i know, but the fuckidge of the tongue is purposeful because its a reflection of the fuckidge of my mind, you know?...if you can pinpoint what it is that's familiar bout my writing i'd really like to know. get back to me on that one, if you can. and i will try and post something simpler i've written sometime soon. thanks agai
[6] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > pomoxo | 19-Jan-03/3:56 AM | Reply
there's something to this and something not. it being deep into your head makes sense, but still while there we could have a guide making the seam between us and there smaller; ease us in and then splatter us against the wall. I need more of a cohesion (and a flow) to really get into a piece and be satisfied at the end, though I like your last stanza a lot for some reason.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.96 | 19-Jan-03/7:59 AM | Reply
You're obviously new to creative writing. That's OK! Poemeranker is wonderful environment in which to improve your skills! Just a quick heads-up FYI. Cheers! We'll touch base later this week.
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