Re: a comment on A Thing I Must Do by Dovina	3-Feb-05/3:20 PM
Tell us what you believe we mean by 'show don't tell'.
Re: a comment on Psalm of Wonder by Dovina	3-Feb-05/3:18 PM
God is not one of us, we can't go around talking like he is some flawed individual who probably will not live up to our expectations. Jesus. Did you know that God is so great he can create a box that can not be escaped from.
Re: A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere	2-Feb-05/9:56 AM
Comma after love in fourth verse I presume. Love's only potatoes made me giggle. Personally I would have put it at the start, dare the narrator to explain herself on the whole love spud thing.
Re: a comment on Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni	2-Feb-05/9:44 AM
excellent deployment of the chewbacca defense.
Re: a comment on In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	31-Jan-05/7:02 AM
But it has nothing to do with intelligence. Chimps can survive nudely because they are very hairy.
Re: a comment on In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	29-Jan-05/3:36 PM
(a) Do you believe that for men to be better than women every man must be better than all women?(b) Do you believe humans to be cleverer than chimps?
Re: Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina	13-Jan-05/6:38 AM
This is overpunctuated. It sounds less the team talk of a games master and more the team talk of an RSI inflicted Stephen Hawking.
Re: Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina	13-Jan-05/6:37 AM
It is correct that players of the old 'games of ball' can be a tad coarse but to suggest gentlemen use the kind of immigrant slang employed in this poem I will not believe.
Re: Nectar of Infinity by MacFrantic	13-Jan-05/6:18 AM
The last verse seems a bit tacked on. The rest is very nice to read but you do know that people don't write like that anymore.
Re: a comment on Existential questions by kawakurdi	10-Jan-05/2:43 PM
Then it is imperative that you continue to force rhymes lest the reader fails to grasp the gravity of what you are doing.
Re: a comment on War Story by dougsoderstrom	10-Jan-05/2:35 PM
or as your sentence suggests with the use of aka is Abu Grahib the muslim word for the torturing of one's offspring.
Re: a comment on War Story by dougsoderstrom	10-Jan-05/2:33 PM
I am a parent who would like to torture his children. Could you give me more details about this Abu Grahib place please.
Re: a comment on Math Poem 3 by Dovina	6-Jan-05/8:23 AM
The reason the algebra is correct is not because he tests it. That it is correct means that when he tests it it is not falsified. In that sense your explanation does not fit. For me this poem portrays a chap who is happy to hold a rather simple formula which works. It is insignificant in the general scheme of things but to him it is just dandy.
Re: a comment on Poetic Profit by Dovina	4-Jan-05/3:45 PM
Following your explanation I am left wondering exactly why a belch is the wrong word to use as the verb but correct to use as a simile of said verb. Is it the door that makes all the difference? If not how about a modification of the simile. 'waft like a Lady's eructation' perhaps?
Re: a comment on Poetic Profit by Dovina	4-Jan-05/3:37 PM
and weak in literary circles is an gentleman's word for brown.
Re: a comment on Poetic Profit by Dovina	4-Jan-05/11:53 AM
but it is 'barely' a simile. Waft is such a weak verb anyway, why not just use 'belch out of the door'.
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	4-Jan-05/9:29 AM
because the fish flops alone. Their is no obvious reason to say fish when you mean reward. That the fish comes out of the blue is its main attraction in the poem. That is because it is a fish and fish artistically speaking are ace.
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	4-Jan-05/3:19 AM
The fish takes the place of a score rather than is present as a score. Otherwise you must answer two questions: (i) What do you think the value of a fish is in association football. (ii) How does a team go about obtaining a fish on the scoresheet.
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	3-Jan-05/3:44 PM
No. A fish is a fish is a fish. Consider the artistic value of these two sentences: (i) Real Madrid beat Sur(real) Madrid and get a fish as a reward. (ii) Real Madrid 1 Sur(real) Madrid a fish. There is no comparison. The fish is in its rightful place. That is to say nowhere, or indeed present nowhere.
Re: My Wife by Dovina	3-Jan-05/3:00 PM
I couldn't help but notice a fish made an unannounced entrance and then just disappeared. This is how it should be.