| Re: Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
25-May-05/4:44 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-May-05/4:45 PM |
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| Re: Horatio by april fool |
26-May-05/8:15 AM |
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In Los Angeles, Whore-ratio to Johns is an important factor in discerning the economic health of business around bridges and industrial parks. Right now the Horatio is in custody pending arraignment for solicitation of a police officer for an unnatural act (he asked LAPD to arrest a black guy without beating the shit out of him) I don't think Horatio will make it "virgin intactae" for his court date.
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| Re: Coffined by Dovina |
26-May-05/11:33 AM |
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You are obviously a stranger to the joys of necrophilia.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-May-05/12:44 PM |
Well said with few words and, besides.
I'd rather drink 'corn likker' than oil any day of the weak.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-May-05/1:14 PM |
Final word on this jumble of words:
Did anyone notice that the only gender-biased words in this poem were "Bloody Mary?" and that refers to a drink!
The comment "The unfocused eyes say she is drunk" says that you, the reader, have created the image of a she in this poem. You toss the coin and get he or she and disregard the more edgy two males or two females or sheep. You are creating your own interesting images. My job is finished the moment you bring your prejudices to the table. Perhaps those of you who have visited LA have the perspective to view 'the love of two' as being open to gender interpretation and (for that matter) physically challenged interpretation. The unfocused eyes could be a blind person. It's like the word "Indian." Context might tell you that it is a person from Taos, New Mexico of Native-American ancestry or a person from the country of India or it might not. "I bought a bottle of Vodka from an Indian clerk at the Circle K in Taos on my way to a class on Hinduism." Quien Sabe?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-May-05/1:35 PM |
Well, fuck me. I got it and like it the way it is but that's not poemranker style.
I think you should change all the "I's" to "Ah's." This change would make it sound more American (from down South).
"screams out loud Wished Ah'd stayed
in England Ah hate me guts and he" a bit more Tennessee Williams, eh?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jun-05/8:23 AM |
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There is poetry here but try workshopping it. A few rough spota especially lines 3 and 4 and I stumbled on 7. All in all, a good poem about the creative process. -8-
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| Re: Fair Warning by cockmage |
3-Jun-05/8:36 AM |
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Bad limerick. How does picked rhyme with kid, Mockmage?
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| Re: Smoky Mountain High by Dovina |
6-Jun-05/8:52 AM |
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The real differnce between the first stanza and the second is what the people at each place are seeing. In the second stanza all of us in LA are watching the bloody, red sun on television. Who goes outside in LaLaLand before sunrise? Oh yeah, sanitation workers, hookers going home to shootup and go to sleep and cops. Personally, I Tivo the 6 AM news just to see the sun.
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| Re: he's leaving by eliznhaz |
7-Jun-05/8:32 AM |
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I think it's kinda sweet in an innocent way. You could stand to lose the "leave" in line 2 and "I'll want to die" in the last line. Maybe something less cliche and dramatic than 'cry and I'll want to die." But your poem is not a waste of a read.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Jun-05/10:22 AM |
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Anyone disagreeing with this poem's sentiments has no compassion for the dying.
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| Re: Too Tired for a Title by woodstock20000 |
9-Jun-05/10:26 AM |
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Things will work out once you fill that empty pot with alcohol. Just look at me!
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| Re: Why? by windyone |
9-Jun-05/10:41 AM |
I liked many of the following phrases and words in your poem but not in the order presented. This is not a re-write. This is only a list. If this list were a real poem, I would have stolen it and made it my own.
Writing helps to set us free
Do you feel better when you take away hope?
Sometimes people are just starting out
You don't always know what others are going through
the way that you write cuts like a knife
you criticize because you can't cope
words can hurt
Do you feel better?
Why?
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| Re: Don't be gay by wCUNTw |
16-Jun-05/8:14 AM |
If you feel up
Perry Como
Then you are a
Necro-homo.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Jun-05/8:26 AM |
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Judas did his job as did Job.
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| Re: Auto-bio Poem by sacred_poet_me |
16-Jun-05/8:28 AM |
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How are things at Michael Jackson's place these days?
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| Re: The Magic Of Autumn by lil_evil_boi |
16-Jun-05/8:30 AM |
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We have no Autumn where I live. Thanks for the images.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Jun-05/8:38 AM |
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A performance piece. Should be read at 90 m.p.h. Reads like crap on the page. I think I would applaud it at a slam fest.
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| Re: quick by <~> |
16-Jun-05/8:50 AM |
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