on Suicide Note(I Blame Me) by alvinb
27 Dec 2007, 1:20 PM
Good poem, a little melodramatic in spots, but overall portrayed with depth and emotion. The rhyme scheme was pretty good, "All my agony mist" seemed a little awkward and "black as a pit" a little cliche(ic), I loved the line "all that were left was memory's last breath" - Good job on this.
replying on This Poetry Thing by LynnJR
26 Dec 2007, 1:31 PM
thanks for reading - not sure what to make out of a critique or remark that says "bang" but thanks for your time.
on Broken by makelovenotwar
18 Dec 2007, 11:47 AM
very deep and emotional poem, I liked a lot, can relate to the feelings expressed. I didn't like the format of how it is laid out, i dont think the lines should run out so far, the only other critique is the line that ends in yay! don't like yay! any way I enjoyed the read.
on I think of you by nicole081083
18 Dec 2007, 11:43 AM
very lovely poem, the feelings were expressed adequately, nice flow and rhyme.
on I'm in love by nicole081083
15 Dec 2007, 11:40 AM
lovely, heart felt and sentimental poem. nice rhyme scheme.
on Children of adults by Caducus
15 Dec 2007, 11:39 AM
Love this poem, it is so full of rich lines, and depth, I an pull out so much feeling and depth, a paradoxil tone to it, it is intriguing, and forms so many pictures and scenes for me - Great Job!
on I want my money back by Halfspeak
15 Dec 2007, 11:36 AM
alot of feeling and emotion is expressed, quite a bit of detail in the lines, but I can't determine a particular format, seems to tell story-ish, than poetic, I think the lines and metre need to be tighter so some words or lines may need to go, its interesting, but reads to me like a poem thats in need of structure or a summary of a story incomplete.
on Suicide Note(I Blame You) by alvinb
14 Dec 2007, 11:18 AM
wonderful poem, very deep, very wounded and dark, displayed the resolution of giving up giving in, the final breath. I t flowed very well however the third stanza iwould swith the third and last line to keep with your rhyme scheme. - lovely work
on Whore of Babylon by oneglove
13 Dec 2007, 5:07 PM
GREAT JOB!really like what you had to say, great flow,great message, great delivery.
on 7 Deadly Sins by forsaken
13 Dec 2007, 4:57 PM
great expression of how you feel about this person,I would tighten up the meter to improve the flow, a few typo's, and a few places the rhyme seemed forced, but cleverly written to portray the feelings and incorporate the 7 deadly sins, it was an enjoyable read.