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Suicide Note(I Blame Me) (Free verse) by alvinb
The blood rained down, The tears on ground, All that was left were pictures The smiles had faded, Darkness invaded, The potion of tears and dried blood. The window was broken, Silence a token, The world seemed black as a pit. All that were left, Were memorie's last breath, All that i could do, not die. Immortal i seemed, The tears and blood gleamed, All upon ground mixed with rain. Hurting to die, As hard as i try, I can't do it at all. My dumb mind caused this, All my agony mist. Now i cry farwell to you all.

Up the ladder: The Dung Beetles
Down the ladder: Pause

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.1422777
Overall Rank: 5497
Posted: December 16, 2007 2:37 AM PST; Last modified: December 16, 2007 2:37 AM PST
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Comments:
[8] LynnJR @ 205.142.108.5 | 27-Dec-07/1:20 PM | Reply
Good poem, a little melodramatic in spots, but overall portrayed with depth and emotion. The rhyme scheme was pretty good, "All my agony mist" seemed a little awkward and "black as a pit" a little cliche(ic), I loved the line "all that were left was memory's last breath" - Good job on this.
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