Re: a comment on Mixed Quartet by Dovina	19-Dec-05/6:56 AM
You might be asking for a debate from certain people here. This should give you a good preview: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=124271
Re: philosophy of a new age by crazyknight	19-Dec-05/6:46 AM
Tao Te Ching http://www.wam.umd.edu/~stwright/rel/tao/TaoTeChing.html#1 Enjoy.
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	19-Dec-05/6:42 AM
Getting too sleepy right now. I work nights. Maybe tomorrow.
Re: Just for Show (Suicide revised) by sliver	19-Dec-05/6:38 AM
Proof that you don't have to use 50-syllable words to write a good poem. Reminds me of an old George Jones song... Yabbadabba Doo! The King is gone and so are you..." -10-
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	19-Dec-05/6:21 AM
You strike me as someone who knows alot about beauty so I thank you, deeply.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	19-Dec-05/6:17 AM
Thank you. I grew up reading Poe so he tends to creep into alot of my stuff. I hope she's not dead. I see how you get that. It's more about the harsh reality of excepting that the love of your life was never really meant to be. This tends to be the case with artists as they tend to imagine their lovers on a pedestal that could never possibly be reached. Fate seperated us time and time again and eventually you just have to move on. So alas I have excepted that my love for her will be requited nevermore.
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	19-Dec-05/6:02 AM
Ps. There are many poems that use alliteration and implied rhyme and are still bad. Being able to see the design. Being able to step away from the art and see it as though it was for the first time and then being able to properly criticize your own work are really the hallmark of good poetry writing. That and knowledge of the art of course.
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	19-Dec-05/5:53 AM
I'm probably not the best one to ask for grammar advice. That would be Zodiac. But as you noticed it comes across akward. Probably one reason is because it sounds like archaic language which has no buisiness in being in this poem. - written from the heart - an outline of true incidents? No - it had message ? No. Lots of poems do both of these things and still suck. - the tense of speech was uniform through out? Yes. For example: Did you notice how these words bounce off each other? (?) shows implied rhyme. -?- shows alliteration. It's time to get the -s-nackbox in his BAG(A) And -s-end him off to -S-CHOOL(B), After we've HAD(A) an ordeal With his -B-ATH(A) and -b-rushing TOO(B). And then she's up, my little BABY(C) "I want mama", she says and WAITS(C). She -W-ATCHES(D) as her brother -W-ISHES(D) And is ON HIS(D) way. It's time to wait ON HER(E), that's next! For she's PARTICULAR(E), Plus you're writing about something you know better than just about anyone else on earth, your children. Your true rhymes don't seem nearly as force as in some of your other poems. Most of this sounds like something you might actually say and the rhymes tend to come out like happy little coincidences. Well that's a start but there's alot of other things that make a poem work and part of the fun is discovering them. It's OK not to know the science of poetry when you're just an avid reader but when you write poetry it's like performing as a magician and not knowing the secret behind pulling off the trick. I hope that helps make the room a little brighter for you.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	18-Dec-05/6:58 PM
Nice I'm rubber you're glue remark. Words of wisdom: Most burried hatchets end up burried in skulls. You want honesty? The truth is almost every day is Christmas for me. That's what I thought. You wouldn't believe me even if I'd told the truth. It's the story of my life. Merry Christmas Dovina. You're one of my favorite rankers on this site, honest.
Re: Mixed Quartet by Dovina	18-Dec-05/6:46 PM
A -10- for inventing your adverbs.
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	18-Dec-05/6:40 PM
You under estimate the power of gay perverts to corrupt a poem.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	18-Dec-05/6:34 PM
So jaded is the effect on longtime poemrankers that they think of others love notions as but a joke.
Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	18-Dec-05/10:24 AM
Good, now say it in a way you've never heard or read. Use images and scenes unique in your own personal life as metaphors. How does baby Jesus compare to your own children? Ask yourself what if I loved Jesus in the same way I love my children? How would that change the way I approach my faith? Would it make me a better Christian or a worse one? What if, while nailed to the cross as he said "Father, why have you forsaken me?", what if he was not looking to the skies but instead he was looking us straight in the eyes? Now write.
Re: My kids by amanda_dcosta	18-Dec-05/10:08 AM
Unless your son's name is Danny Boy don't say things like "milk's a boiling" just say "milk is boiling". "They hug and kiss, for she did miss" Add a "so" either before or after "did" or even better lose "did" and just write it as "so missed". I mean do you really talk in real life like you did in those 2 lines I singled out? With that said, the rest of this is really good and I actually like that you put rhymes where it felt natural and didn't force them into places they didn't need to go. Now my challenge to you is to find out what exactly the elements were that made this poem effective and what things worked against it.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	18-Dec-05/5:38 AM
I don't know quite what I'm looking at. My telescope's zoomed in too close and all I can make out is a hairy mole and what looks like a tiny tatoo of Herve Villechaize bent over with a tatoo of Ricardo Montalban on his ass smoking a cigar (Oh wait a minute. My bad. It's not a cigar, Herve's just taking a dump.)
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	18-Dec-05/5:27 AM
I thought it was a nice comment when you gave it to me about "Virgil's Song".
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	18-Dec-05/5:22 AM
Thanks Paul. I think you can write fine love poems as long as they aren't about someone you love. That's where I find the difficulty because you can't see the broad picture when your right there in the middle of it. I've rewritten this poem countless times and I'm still not satisfied with it most likely because it was about someone I was madly in love with. So my advice is to try to write a love poem about two other lovers. You're right I missed the "I" in "I wish..." DOUGH! I should have gotten some sleep before posting this. I'm right on it.
Re: a comment on Privacy by Dovina	16-Dec-05/7:50 PM
I'm watching youuuuuu. :))
Re: Privacy by Dovina	16-Dec-05/6:19 AM
"I say this only because poemranker has corrupted me: "Sounds gay.""
Re: a comment on Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	16-Dec-05/6:02 AM
Tocqueville: What we called our dorm room in Art School right after we smoked some rightious weed.